Love & Life ♥

The Final Page of a Chapter

2011-05-28T23:12:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Salaam'alaik readers,

Alhamdulillah, this is it. The day which I have been waiting for. The final page of another chapter in my life.

This would mark the end of my post for this blog that I am so attached to. InsyaAllah.

This is the only blog that I have been keeping since 2005. Oh that makes this blog 6 years old. Imagine the archives that are kept here(: Whenever I am so angry and mad I would use this avenue to vent my anger and sadness. Whenever I feel like no one is listening and understanding me I would just let my fingers dance around the keyboard. Whenever I want to share stories and laughters I would just let my heart express the words in this.... blog.

Of course, this is the most difficult decision that I am making in my life. It feels like I am going to throw away my 6 year old child. But I have no choice. The calling to move on and change this lifestyle is stronger. The desire to change and improve this self is indeed the way that I want my life to be and I guess I have to delete whats necessary.
This reminds me of what an Ustazd once mentioned; The mass media indeed can be a double-edged sword, so beware, especially for you sisters.
This brings me to reflect on myself. How words can bring a thousand meanings and interpretations and many a times I question the things I write here.

This also took me to another level where I thought people can access easily to my past; something which I am so much against. I dislike the fact that netizens are able to read my years and years of blog posts with pictures of me during my 'jahiliyah' period. It feels wrong.

Even though I love this space so much, this is my final decision. I am doing this for the sake of Allah, I am not sacrificing anything. But because I am longing so much for Allah's forgiveness and His love towards me, I am sure this is indeed the best way for me, insyaAllah.

Syukran jazilan readers for your endless support and comments that never failed to make me realized the need to reflect and smile upon the blessings bestowed upon all of us. My blog isn't that popular; it doesn't even invite thousands of readers per day but I am sure this could be used as a hujah for us during the Judgment Day and I don't want this blog to question me back upon my niat' of sharing ilm, knowledge and experience.

For that, I sincerely apologize if it happens that any of my posts or words have hurt your feelings as I am just His servant and the mistakes come from me and the beneficial things are from Him alone, insyaAllah. Barakallahu feek' to sisters out there who have regarded me as another of their sisters as a form of inspiration & motivation for them to grow and be a better Muslimah (: May Allah reward you.

Last but not least, I sincerely seek you to make dua's for me, in this world and hereafter, insyaAllah. May He accept all of our ibadah, and may He showers His endless blessings and love upon all of us insyaAllah. May He always be close to our hearts and kill diseases of these hearts that can damage our relationship with our one and only Allah azza wa jalla.
If we don't meet in this world, then I'll pray may we meet in the hereafter insyaAllah, where we will assemble together under the love of Rasulullah saw and the flag of Islam. Allahu Allah!

Perhaps I would still continue writing and improving on it, but not here, not anymore. May Allah guide you and me to the right path(:

And whoever fears Allah- He will make for him a way out. And He will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah- then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a (decreed) extent.

[Quran 65: 2-3]

A 'Beautiful' Test

2011-05-22T20:19:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

KepadaMu kekasih,

Aku sedar bahawa ini adalah ujian yang berat dariMu. Sungguhpun ia tidak seberat yang pernah ku lalui atau, apa yang akan kau berikan padaMu di hari esok; ku rasakan ujian ini yang paling rumit sekali.

Tak pernah terlintas bahawa semakin ingin ku mendekatkan diriku kepadaMu dan RasulMu, semakin banyak soalan yang datang melintas ke dalam akalku ini. Kekasih, aku tinggalkan segala demi meraih jawapan dan cinta dariMu. Aku hanya inginkan tiap malam yang akan menjemputku menemukan ku dengan kebenaran.

Ya Rabb, mengapa sebegini sekali?

" Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Janganlah suatu kaum mengolok-olok kaum yang lain (kerana) boleh jadi mereka (yang diperolok-olokkan) lebih baik dari mereka (yang mengolok-olokkan) dan jangan pula perempuan-perempuan (mengolok-olokkan) perempuan lain (kerana) boleh jadi perempuan (yang diperolok-olokkan) lebih baik dari perempuan (yang mengolok-olok). Janganlah kamu saling mencela antara satu sama lain dan janganlah saling memanggil dengan gelar-gelaran yang buruk. Seburuk-buruk panggilan adalah (panggilan) yang buruk (fasik) setelah beriman. Dan barang siapa yang tidak bertaubat maka mereka itulah orang-orang yang zalim."

Surah Al-Hujurat Ayat 11.

Ini adalah kata-kataMu, ya Allah. Oleh itu, ku menganggap semua panggilan dan kata-kata yang dilemparkan kepada diriku adalah satu ujian dariMu untuk menguji cinta dan kasih kami pada diriMu.

Ku takut kau tak akan terima dan aku barada di jalan yang salah.

Akhirnya,

Aku mendoakan yang terbaik untuk mereka, dan agar segala dosaku diampunkan.

Allahuma Ameen(:

My Mantra

2011-05-10T23:50:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I am really tired but I am giving my best shot this last 2 weeks before Term 2 finally comes to an end. Not forgetting the concept paper (which I badly want to share but I don't think its the right time tho) and my tuitees (tuition kids-heh) That'll be my last day and perhaps, soon to be my last entry. Where I'll decide to move on with life and start everything a new(:

InsyaAllah, will do a proper update soon. Syukran for being one of my readers and being patience with my antics and understanding my rants. Hehe. At the mean time, my mantra for this period of time would be;

Nabilah, jangan jadi angkuh. Jangan jadi sombong. Ilmu di dada hanya setitik, berbanding seluas laut itu iaitu milik Allah azza wa' jalla.

May Allah reward you.

Fi Amanillah

Allah knows best

2011-05-02T23:36:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Just to get this point straight;

Just stop labelling me with all the terms that doesn't even suit me because I am just another one of His servants, a Muslim sister learning new things every single day and a believer who choose to accept Islam as my only deen. Please, with whoever I associate, does not make me 'one' of them.

Or just get your mind to think carefully, refer back to the noble Qur'an & the Sunnah. Simple.

Wallahu'alam. I really need to clear the muddy thoughts of people around me. May Allah subhanahu' wataala guide all of us & show us the truth, nothing but only the truth. Ameen.

A Painful yet Meaningful Reminder

2011-04-24T19:47:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamua'laikum... Bukankah kalau 'amal perbuatan itu dirahsiakan, masya'Allah ia lebih 'cantik'? Hrmm knp perlu publicize perbuatan itu di twitter Fb dan blog semua etc ya? Harap niat anti itu baik insya'Allah [sekadar peringatan bg ana pun, afwan :) ]

Waalaikumusalam wrh wbk. Syukran jazilan kerana sudi memberikan feedback kepada ana melalui Formspring. Alhamdulillah, syukur kepada Illahi kerana diberi kesempatan untuk membacanya pada saat ini. Maafkan ana jikalau ana berbicara dalam bahasa Melayu yang terlalu baku kerana ana jarang sekali blog dalam bahasa Melayu. Namun, disebabkan feedback yang diberikan adalah dalam bahasa Melayu, insyaAllah ana akan cuba jawab dalam bahasa Melayu.

Memang ana agak terkilan dan mencari-cari kesilapan ana melalui twitter, Fb dan blog ana.

Namun, kita sebagai umatnya harus saling hormat-menghormati dan saling berpesan dan mengingati antara satu sama lain, oleh itu ana berasa gembira dan bersyukur kerana diberikan peringatan sebegini.

Ana mengaku kesemua kesilapan ana, baik di lelaman blog ini, twitter mahupun Fb. Mungkin sebelum ini ana diibaratkan sebagai menunjuk-nunjuk, bongkak dan sombong di atas amal perbuatan ana kepada pembaca kalian (termasuklah anta/anti). Akan tetapi, tidak pernah terlintas pun di dalam hati untuk berniat sebegitu.

Ana gemar menulis, dan kadangkala apabila apa yang ana tulis di dalam blog ini dilihat dan dibaca sebagai satu 'pertunjukan' tentang amal ibadah dan amal jariah ana, ana minta maaf yang teramat sangat; meskipun sebenarnya niat ana hanyalah sekadar untuk berkongsi pengalaman dan perjalanan hidup ana sebagai seorang Muslimah yang masih menuntut dan yang sangat daif ini.

Manusia memang tidak akan pernah dapat lari daripada melakukan kesalahan meskipun sehari. Begitu juga dengan ana. Yang baik itu datangnya dari Allah swt dan segala keburukan itu datangnya dari ana seorang, hati yang diselubungi kehitaman, yang masih mengejar duniawi dan amal-amal hamba ini belum pasti lagi diterima olehNya.

Terima kasih di atas peringatan tersebut, walaupun ana berasa sungguh sedih sekarang kerana perjalanan ini bukan senang dan wadah-wadah ini seringkali Nabilah gunakan untuk lepaskan geram, berkongsi kegembiraan dan mendekatkan diri denganNya. Naam, wadah-wadah ini sering dijadikan sebagai suatu semangat dan peringatan untuk ana melakukan apa yang telah ana tulis & kongsi di sini.

Ana rasa awak pun memang ada hak untuk menulis apa yang awak ingin katakan kepada Nabilah, jadi tak perlu untuk meminta maaf kepada Nabilah (:

Nabilah akan cuba untuk memperbaiki diri selepas ini. Muhasabah diri, yang paling penting. Jazakallah khair kerana sudi membaca dan menegur perbuatan & tulisan Nabilah. Ana amat menghargainya.

Tentu sekali, ada hikmah disebalik ini. This is my battle, dan hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui segalanya.

Wallahu'alam.

"Cukuplah bagi kami Allah, dialah sebaik-baik tempat diserahkan urusan. Ya Allah, aku serahkan segala urusan dunia ini kepadaMu ya Allah."

Now & The Future, not the Past

2011-04-17T13:41:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Salam companion (hehe),

Its been quite a while since I really take the time to relax, sit down and pen down my thoughts. It felt like it was eons ago, then, when I finally found sometime to sit down and think. I have a diary with me. Its been a month eversince that incident and that entry in my personal diary. Alhamdulillah, I have finally moved on from thinking about Hamba Allah. It takes time, but I shall not give too much credit to time, because it was the remembrance towards Allah that cures this sinful heart. Alhamdulillah.

I have been keeping a diary annually (chey) since I was in Sec Sch. I love writing diary. It keeps my thoughts about life flowing well, and it keeps me rooted to my ambitions and desires in life. In fact, it is all that I need each year. A nice beautiful pink flowery diary and a pen. The ability to write (not necessarily write well) is truly a blessing from Allah. With this gift, I am able to just express my angst, my heart aches, my crushes (hehe), my dreams on a piece of paper, well-secured. It feels good, really, alhamdulillah.

Nobody have ever read my diary. Back then, my mother & sister used to sneak into my the room and secretly read it, as if I don't know. I fumed with anger when I found out about it. Like, ya Allah. ITS MY SECRET DIARY! I swore I was so angry, that up till today, they do not even dare to touch it unless they found it lying somewhere on my bed and kept it for me on my cupboard :) That is how secretive and sensitive I am about my diary.

The entries are all directed to Him. It feels good, why? Because I am talking to Him. Apart from the solat and the dzikir and reciting the Quran, I will just have this strong urge to write. Both during my ups and downs.

I am not sure if it is wrong, but this is me since I was young. Even my parents know about it. Up to date, I own like almost 5 diaries already. Hehehe.

Imagine the change, from the minah (hehe) I was back then in Sec Sch. & now.

Until today, I still receive this 'I miss the old you!' All I can afford to do is just to smile. If you can't accept my change, then I am sorry. I don't mind you walking out of my life, because I rather have it that way than getting myself to walk out of Allah's path. Nauzubillah.

I admit, it was a huge leap. It was the most difficult moment of my life. Imagine the aunties (makciks) talking when they see me in tudung during Raya. Imagine the questions that people bombard me like how will you get married with a hijabb on, tak panas ke, etc etc. It does irritate me at times, but seriously, I cannot be bothered. I wish I can just show you my hand and say "Oh please talk to my hand" but then I realised thats being rude, and our Prophet wasn't rude when he spread Islam.

Of course, I miss my secondary school friends, I miss my cousin, I miss those phonecalls, I miss my JC friends, I miss those text messages.
However, I miss Allah more than anything else. When I was down, all alone, nobody came to help. Nobody could understand the pain. Not even me. But Allah did. His love came to rescue me.

I remember the night when I had that dream. The most scariest dream ever, which I cannot forget until now. It was the dream- the call from Him.

The subsequent days, I could not sleep in peace. I was tossing and turning in my bed. My sister was fast asleep. And the only word in my mind was Allah, Allah & Allah. Am I ready for the change? What will my mum & sis say? What will my family members think? How will my friends react?

I started borrowing books on Islam. I seek help from people that I can rely on. Soooo many questions in my head. Too many. I could have just snapped and gave up.

When it finally came to me. The answer.

That night, when my hand searched for a pen and a paper, this was how it began;

Jalan ke Nur

Berdebu pandanganku

Begitu samarnya peganganku

Kesunyian yang mencengkam kalbu

Membuat insan hina ini kehilangan pandu

SeruanMu jelas kedengaran

Namun larut dalam kealpaanku

Suara sayuMu memanggilku

Lesap dalam keangkuhanku

Luasnya kesucian ajaranMu

Syahdu

Merdu

Namun, ku biarkan ia terus berlalu

Hembusan angin yang menggetarkan jiwa,

tatkala ia mendodoi lagu kehidupan

Mendamaikan hatiku yang risau

Menyedarkan hamba yang ketandusan arah

Ku ingin menaraMu kembali bercahaya

Ya Illahi,

Aku ingin menyelam lebih dalam

Aku ingin merasa angin bertukar haluan

Ya Rabb,

Izinkanlah aku sujud kembali di atas sajadahMu

Izinkanlah aku mengetuk pintu taubat Mu

Biarkan ku dendang kalimah-kalimah suciMu

Biar ku resapi cinta Mu
Biar ku dakap kasihMu
Kerna aku hamba yang khilaf
Khilaf & kesal atas sejarahku

Thats how powerful a pen can be. It was a blessing, a calling from Allah. Alhamdulillah(:

A Rose to All

2011-04-08T18:33:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum wrh wbk

Hey dearest, you inspire me <3 :')

Thank you there! It wasn't really me who inspired you. I am only what my God (Allah) has made me. Its all back to Him. Jazakallah khair :)

Hi Susu (Suhaidah) here! You know, I cried when I read the post abt you collecting your Alevel results. You know the part when you ran to your parents and just cried. Allah, that was so TOUCHING.

Alhamdulillah, nice to have you around here, sister. It was my instant reaction. Till now, I couldn't fathom why I did that. I should have kept myself under control and relaxed a bit, but, hehehe my heart was just leaping. Thats why. Nevertheless, alhamdulillah. I am inspired and motivated by a muslimah like you too! Syukran sister, hope you are motivated to do well in life ;)

Miss you!

Salam sis (: Just wanna say that I admire you a lot especially your strength and faith :') And I look up to you a lot :D Your blog post really motivates me :') Syukran ya Ukhti. <3 May Allah bless you (: InsyaAllah :D

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. As much as you are motivated by my blog, I am even 10 times motivated by your encouragement and comment. Alhamdulillah, thank you, may Allah reward you with Jannah insyaAllah. From here, I will try my very best, InsyaAllah, to write things that will motivate all of us together, to be a better muslim, in the eyes of Allah and the community.

Just to take note, I don't write to gain popularity or to receive compliments from readers. I write solely because of Allah and I have been trained since I was young to express myself through writing. I write poems and stories and posts to keep myself rooted to where I belong and this becomes a platform for me to express myself.

If by any chance, my writings does hurt you, I truly apologize for it wasn't my intention. Secondly, do correct me if there are any mistakes in my writing especially regarding ilm or knowledge. So far, I have always double checked my resources and reliability. Third, this is not a blog for me to preach my religion. Pardon me if I sound 'preachy' but this can be another method of dakwah. Sharing my experiences.

My opinions, thoughts and views aren't important. For Allah's words are much more powerful and meaningful than a servant just like me.

Wallahu'alam.

Oh Allah, cleanse my heart of the sicknesses of arrogance and pride and let me die as one of the sincere, humble Muslims.

Cinta Hakiki yang dicari

2011-03-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum wrh wbk

Alhamdulillah this week was wonderful. Period. Because of Allah, Laila ha illalah. I shall not whine.

Bismillah.

Overdue pictures.

Cinta yang dicari. Alhamdulillah. Jumpa juga cinta! Bukan cinta manusia, bukan cinta dunia, namun cinta si Dia- Kasih Tuhan yang hakiki. MilikNya. Cinta Allah swt.

I felt stronger today despite the red sea (PMS), the hectic schedule, the naughty students, the naggy Umi, the messy bedroom and the bad hijab day (replacement for bad hair day O.o ). For this whole week from Mon to Fri I didnt put on anything on my face; not even powder, or even eyeliner (celak) cos I was so lazy and I thought beauty is best being natural as it is. Alhamdulillah.

Okay the above pictures are during the Maulud @ An-Nadhah (last month). MasyaAllah! At the same time there were Majlis Cukur Rambut. My heart just jumped in joy- Idk why!!! Seeing the cute little babies, masyaAllah. I was closed to tears, thinking about my future children hehehe!

Sesungguhnya hanya Dia yang lebih berhak Mengetahui segalanya ;)

Next up, Qiyaam @ Al-Khair. Hahaha outdated lah sangat and I stole these photos from another hamba Allah on Fb. Hehe I ni pencuri betul lah eh! ;) But for the benefits of all of us, why not? InsyaAllah.

Okay the Sahr under the stars was really beautiful, subhanAllah. Hehe. I was just moved by the wonders of Allah's creation; by the fact that a person can just cry looking, mesmerizing by the beauty of Allah's creation. That happened that night. I learned to appreciate the simplest things in life.

The nik'mat of our 5 senses; able to see the beauty of Allah swt, to hear the birds chirping waking us up for Subuh, to feel the wind caressing your skin after your wudhuk, to smell the fresh morning air as you open wide your room window & finally, to taste the true meaning of love for Allah, His Messenger, and Islam.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Beauty is just the word. Really.

Allahuakhbar.

The one you see crying during their Solat has khusyuk in their hearts, and one who prays with all khusyuk has perfected their prayer and Allah forgives them of their sins.

My Brother & Me

2011-03-16T22:41:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum wrh wbk

Alhamdulillah Nabilah today feel so energized & happy so let me give my many many many thanks to Him for making me feel alive & sound. Hehe. As happy as I may sound to be due to the things/people that cheered me up yest & even today, there was something 'weird' that I found on Fb that I should say, not that it amazed me, yet it make me realised that indeed, everyone is normal, like NORMAL. Even how you have that position as an Ustaz/Ustazah or you graduated from Al-Azhar, I don't want to express that 'Awwwh'-ness anymore. Seriously.

I failed to see that Allah has created us, equally. Even how I fret a lot that my parents did not send me to a full-time madrasah, I noticed that, the students that graduated there are not like how I view them to be like. I may sound like Im stereotyping but this is the case most of the time. Really. Bad experience really taught me a lot.
Its not that I look down on them now, since they have a point in saying that its their lives, they deserve to rule the way how they want it to be even if they are Ustaz/Ustazah/Asatizah. But whatever it is, I promise myself now not to look highly upon someone because who are we to judge a person; bad or good of them?
It is Allah alone that will judge us on the day of the Judgement. So I shall not be bothered. Humans are humans. I will look to them for answers/enquiries on religion, but to see them as someone that I will be amazed, like 'wow' gitu, no no. Not anymore.

Nevertheless, not all are like them. For instance, Ustaz Hasbi really touched my heart during every of the Majlis Rasulullah saw at Masjid Sultan. His face portrays the Nur, really ;)

I ni macam faham eh kat Toys Section.

Dah prepare, beg duit kakak dia akan meletup~ But he settled for something affordable instead.
Alhamdulillah.

Macam happy yang teramat sangat~ entah kenapa.

Awak nak join kita main toys at Masjid Sultan?

I want him to be independent~ belajar solat sendiri w/o ayah atau abang dia.

I secretly took his photo from the 2nd level @ Masjid Sultan!

My sister bought me a chocolate cakeeee!

Okay I went out on a date with this small little honey bear of mine, Muhammad Amaly Qayum Bin Kamsan on 15th March 2011 to Bugis Junction then Arab Street then to Masjid Sultan. Just the two of us- macam anak terbiar, hehe.I always feel sad for him since he is always lonely because I will usually be busy w work & other stuffs~ same goes with the other siblings and our parents. We had a great time together although his sister yang baik hati ni ehem ehem actually dozed off in the bus on the way there cause she was tired as she had to wake up early in the morning to tutor a kid then clean the house and prepare lunch. So we went out at around 2-ish and by 6pm Ayah called to pick us up from Golden Landmark Shopping Mall.

So today, before I go to sleep, I shall once again thank Allah for His endless blessings & gifts. My family, especially, is the most precious nik'mat in my life.
Oh Allah, thank you for yesterdays, thank you for taking good care of my family, thank you for being there for me.

Terima Kasih Sang Pencipta!

Pelukan yang teristimewa untukMu,

dari Hamba yang dibuai rindu.

Pengabdian Dalam Setiap Doaku

2011-03-11T10:41:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah, hopefully all of you are in great health & imaan, insyaAllah.

Actually I found the picture above from one of Hamba's Allah profile (randomly). He was clicking pictures during the Siri 2 Majlis Selawat ke atas Rasulullah saw @ Masjid Sultan. The thing that captured my attention & intrigued me wasn't the picture but the caption that he inserted along w it. I remember sitting at the 2nd level. It was a little empty but I kinda enjoy the emptiness cos I like to be in places that are spacious. However, what this Hamba said was; "No... Level 2 is not empty. The malaikat (angels) are all around us, with us, reciting their selawat alongside w us to our Prophet Muhammad pbuh."

SubhanAllah, my bulu roma just naik, jadi seram sejuk. I didn't think of that before this. Really. But then, it feels pleasant knowing that. Y'know, after a while, I felt so thankful. I was thankful cos I was there. I was selected to be there w the rest of the malaikat to send our praises to Allah & His Prophet. I still remember it was raining heavily that morning but I still changed to my long dress since I've made up my mind. I asked my father to send me there. My other ukthis lagi kesian... Their tudungs were all wet when they arrived. So much small little sacrifices but there were no complaints. In fact, we benefited so much from it. So much for our imaan. Alhamdulillah :)

Formspring!

Thank you for the answer :) So, whats your plan now? Whia course do you intend to take with your good results? Are you gonna pursue in teaching? Cus I knw you love teaching!

Alhamdulillah. You're welcome.

Actually Im busy with my work now, since the kids just had their CA exams and assessment and I just attended Parents Teachers Meeting. So I've been putting my results & university admission aside first. I need to prioritize my work.

Since I'll be having my March Holidays next week (thats the gd thing abt being a teacher!), I will sit down with my family & think of the next step cos I believe it will determine my career & life for the next few years. My mum has been telling me all about NUS so there's a big possibililty of going there; Faculty of Arts & Social Science.

Yes I have a huge interest in teaching but I will still have to reconsider that because there's always pros & cons to every decisions that we make. Having interest in it is important, but we still need to make our choices wisely.

InsyaAllah with Allah's guidance & help, I will make the right choice for myself.

However, do you remember what Allah has mentioned in the Qur'an :-

Although they plan, Allah also plans. And Allah is the Best of Planners.

Qur’an 8:30

In simple terms, I don't decide. He does. He will decide for me where I will go after this & what I will be in 5 years down the road.
Hope this answer your question.

Tahniah atas kejayaan anda. Moga dilimpahi rezeki pada masa yang akan datang. :D

InsyaAllah ameen, ameen!

Alhamdulillah, doakan semoga semangat untuk berjaya di dunia wal akhira' semakin membakar dalam diri ini. Perjuangan demiNya & RasulNya.

To you too. Moga Allah kabulkan setiap doamu kerana dirimu yang mendoakan diriku dan orang-orang di sekelilingmu :)

"Berdoa bukan untuk memberitahu Allah apa yang kita pinta,

Kerana tanpa diberitahu pun, Allah sedia & sudah mengetahui.

Doa sebenarnya adalah pengabdian daripada seorang Hamba kepada Tuhannya."

Tears of Thankfulness To Allah

2011-03-07T18:44:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

What did you get for your A'levels?

الحمدلله الحمدلله الحمدلله

All thanks to Allah, many many thanks to Him. Alhamdulillah (thank you so much Allah).

As Im saying this, it will give you a rough idea that I am happy with my results...

& the fact is, I am. I truly am happy & elated over it.

MasyaAllah, the feeling is just... Indescribable.

Its not exactly like BEST BEST BEST results but I felt so thankful because suddenly I felt like all along, Allah & Nabi Muhammad saw were there with me, and still with me now. How much pain I've went through, how much tears I've shed, it was all because of Him & our Rasulullah s.a.w. So much.

It suddenly brought me back to the 2 years of pain that I endured in PJ. I remember how bad I cried after my history & econs paper because it was super-duper difficult I could just drop & faint. I remember all those conversation w Allah about school, life & family on the sajadah...

I have so much faith in Him. Until now, I think I have only thank Him less than what He has given me :'(

I was actually expecting Cs on my cert, really.

But the moment I saw only the As & Bs on my cert, my heart just leaped & I was reciting Allahuakhbar all theeee way!!! I ran to my mum & dad who was sitting on the chairs at the back. I just knelt in front of my mum & gave my dad the cert & hugged my mum. Her tudung was a little wet with my tears and my tudung was a little wet with her tears. So much happiness, so much thanks to Allah. Sujud syukur.

Allahuakhbar~ we kept on reciting that.

So thats my experience that I've just shared w you. Thank you to this stranger who asked me on Formspring. It reflects 2 things- either you are busybody, or you are concern. Hahaha hopefully its the latter cos I'm just jokingggg! :D

I hope this becomes a motivation for some of you out there who are doing your N, O or Alevels this year. No matter how tough the journey will get, remember Allah. For by remembering & loving Him, the nikmat & the love that you will get in return is just... SubhanAllah.

Just have faith in Him. Really. He will help His servants. Believe in Allah.

'My God (Oh Allah) is just enough for me, Glory be to Allah.There is nothing in my heart except Allah...'

Satu Cinta

2011-03-03T08:55:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Sometimes its difficult for me to let out my problems and difficulties to people around me. Im afraid I would look weak & fragile to them. Im afraid they can't handle my tears.
For that, I believe how much lonely I've became eversince I got closer to Allah. How easy it was for me to pour out my problems to my family and whine to my friends previously yet when I began to know more about Islam, when I started to don the hijab, it changed.

Even hamba Allah told me; I thought you were so hyper-active last time, laughing and running all around.

I don't know. It led me to think and reflect on my character. Have I been bottling too much?

Then, I found the answer. Nope. I'm not.
I have been communicating w my lover a lot, thats all. I realised He is the best Planner with the best answer and He decides my path. Not me, not anyone around me.
& I've been talking and pouring out my problems to Him a lot lately. Im sure, He is the best listener for He is Al-Samii' (maha Mendengar). Believe me, when you speak to Him, your tears will instantly flow slowly, because you will realise how small and insignificant you are to His wonders. Even how much sins you've committed, He is still there, willing to listen and love you.

Because of that, I felt so much better yesterday after the dzkir therapy. I left my worries, my broken-heart, my insecurities there. He took it all away. & I left my heart there. I left the love for the world and replace it with the love for Allah.

I believe that, this is another test from Him. But I grew stronger Oh Allah. I've much faith in you, let you determined my fate & journey from here onwards.

I will not shed a tear for you cause it was never worth it. But I did shed tears to think of how stupid I was from the beginning, how can I doubt myself and doubt Allah's qada' and qadr.
Since then, it was already wrong, already haraam :'(

Thank you Hamba Allah. Goodbye.

I may never know your reasons, but someday I'm gonna see the good in your goodbye. - Jason Aldean

Ya Rasul, Im tired but its worth for akhira'

2011-02-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Ya Allah, Ya Rasulullah. This week is really tiring and Im not lying. I felt like sleeping on the prayer mat but there were just so much things to do and to attend. I don't want to miss out in any events (which I had too for some of the days cos I can't just cancel all my tuition sessions w the kids). There was so much emails in my account that I didn't have time to read; handpicked only the important ones.
But alhamdulillah I managed to prioritize & finish whats important and urgent. Lesson plans, worksheets, exam papers, CCA and Pergas assignment. So thankful for that.

Even one of my students told me, "Cikgu, why you look so tired?"
I wish I can reply; Yes Im tired, sweetheart. But Im doing this for Allah, for our Rasul...
But I decided to smile and say; "Im not tired, just that my face isn't fresh today."

One of my students lagi cute. Apparently he didn't finish my homework. I made him stand in class. So I asked him why didn't he finish my work. Guess what?
"Smlm saya pergi maulud kat Masjid Al-Iman sampai pukul 11 saya balik penat terus tidur..." (muke innocent habis)...
Ya masyaAllah. That just meltsxszsxss me. Macam nak usap & belai kepala dia but deep in my heart I pray that may he grow up to be a good Muslim insyaAllah.


I found his picture on Al-Iman Fb page~ Kutip derna, Cute kan? MasyaAllah.

Woah this is so nice. Every time I feel so tired, it gets me reminded of Hamba Allah telling me that
"Dunia is paradise for the Kafr while it is hell for the Believers."
Leaves a deep impact on me :)

Nevertheless I have been spending beautiful time with beauties~ my all time favourite ukhtis, whom I really love so much.
We've been going for events together a lot, sharing so many problems, shopping for similar things, exchanging views and stories of Islam & history... I'll be insane if I don't regard this as a blessing from Allah, after so long.

Will talk about it in detail soon. Hehehe.
Love the ukhuwaah. So much. & I can't wait to meet one of them tomorrow for Pergas Lesson insyaAllah.

My sister, bestfriend, girlfriend in Hijab


My soul sisters~ May our ukhuwaah lasts till eternity & jannah insyaAllah amin Ya Rabb.

Alhamdulillah Im happy that I purchased an organizer which is so pinky and box-y that I always put in my bag so whenever there are events or syarahan or classes I can straightaway schedule it. Hehe. You have no idea how pack it is. Really...

At the moment, ana is so eager for Maulud this Sunday @ Masjid Sultan (confirm best insyaAllah) and Qiyaam next week @ Al-Khair. SubhanAllah if you're free please drop by. You'll gain a lot from it, insyaAllah.

With my loveliest salaam,
A teacher who fell in love with Allah & His Prophet day by day... ♥

Embracing His Love

2011-02-11T23:55:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Hope you are in great health, insyaAllah. As for me, well, I am! Alhamdulillah :) Physically & mentally, perhaps not emotionally.
Formspring:/

If you got a chance to relive your life again, how would you do so?

"Although they plan, Allah also plans. And Allah is the Best of Planners."

- Quran 8:30

I once thought I want to be born in a royal family if I had the chance to choose what I want to be if there's such a term as being re-born. Nevertheless, it would never happen because I don't believe in the creation of Time Machine.

I believe in His Fate and Decisions. I don't decide my fate. He did. Way back before I was born. He created me to be born into this family, to grow up as a young & strong woman and to be standing strong without any man that I can call my own as my support today. Never once that it came across my mind to want to relive my life again.
Whatever that has happened in the past, its over and Nabilah redha. Being single for 5 years, being too engrossed in studying and competing to attain good results, being a satanic but repented at the age of 17 (of all years) and wearing a hijabb way before my older sister did while we both planned to wear it only after our marriage. Haha.
Hamba Allah said its tradition.
Sorry, side-tracked!

When He plans, its perfect. Because it is from Him. So why should we bother thinking about reliving our live back? I don't think we will even have such a chance. Whatever mistake that you have done, treat it as a learning point, move on and promise yourself not to repeat it again.

You may have thought I would relive my life by getting myself enrolled in full-time madrasah schools or being much more closer to Allah than I am today.
But I realised, no one will know it better than Allah.
So lets not bother & think positive instead. Tomorrow will be a bright new day so for what we think of the past while we can use it to think of how to change ourselves, the world and the future?
I think its more realistic, insyaAllah.

I see no one asks you anything now. Perhaps everyone is the same as you: BUSY.

Hehe. Perhaps I am. Its difficult being me at this moment but I see no reason why I need to complain about it cos I purposely make myself busy and squeezing all my lessons, events and meet-ups in my small little pinky calendar. It feels great to think that time is running after you and learning to cope between fardhu ain and fardhu kifayah. Alhamdulillah. Look at the amount of books and worksheets and files that I have to mark. I have to bring them home everyday without fail to mark. Even at home, Im working. Plus my house work (to be specific ironing- which will never ever habis!)

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

"The ink of a scholar is more holy than the blood of a matyr."

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

Im so egg-cited. 2 more days to Maulud Nabi. Its on the 14th!!!
Alhamdulillah thank you Allah for the excitement in experiencing 12 Rabiulawal soon insyaAllah.

In case you havent decided what to do on the so-called Valentine's Day night, why not join me and the other ukhtis @ Masjid Omar Salmah for Maulud Nabi w Ustaz Syafi & anak-anak pencinta rasul. Believe me, you would love it.

Loveliest Salam
Muacks.

Hasrat ku keliru :(

2011-02-09T20:11:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah, many thanks to Allah for making the day wonderful & beautiful today after a paranoid day yesterday. Alhamdulillah.
:) Nevertheless, Im still wondering oh Allah, why is my hasrat so keliru?
An akhi told me to talk and pour out to Allah. I did. I talked to Him in every of my prayers, every moment. I even went to Al-Iman 2 days straight to find the answer and the key to a calm & peaceful life.
Never felt this way before. Wanted to cry, but I thought it was useless to do that. Before this, I cried badly only because of Allah, our Prophet or my family. & I must keep it that way.

I need to talk to someone. Suddenly I found 'her' - My mother.
She made an appointment for me to meet the doctor today. So we went out together. Apparently, we were late so the clinic was already closed by the time we got there. However, there's a hikmah behind it. We went out for early dinner together after that and both of us just started to pour out every single problem to each other. I felt so lighted. Its been so long ever since we do that. As if my problems just flew off my head (seriously) pheww like that! Hehehe and I am a thankful & happy girl right now!
Teringat hamba Allah tu pernah berkata, " Manusia dipilih untuk menjadi perantaraan di antara diri kita, dengan diriNya."
Which means, today, my mum was chosen to be the one after all the complain-sessions-w-Allah @ Al-Iman. Hehe.

Nevertheless, I would still talk to Him like He is my bestfriend, my love & my everything!
♥

Nabilah misses these babies so much! :'(

& me- as a teacher, can never fail to get enough of these cute little boys and babies either in school or at home. Hahaha although these boys used to stay over at our house and we treat them just like they're a part of our family, I believe there's a reason why they are no longer here with us.
Mama is already busy w work and me- ultimately busy w work & finding time to know more about Allah.
I don't even have enough time for family & friends now, I do feel guilty. But thats life~ We need to balance between fardhu kifayah and fardhu ain. So I decided to juggle both- fitting everything to my schedule & rescheduling them each and every time. Hehe.

:)

So if you have any questions, just type in at the box and I will answer you love love love.

Hugs & Wasalam

' A busy life makes prayer harder, but prayer makes a busy life easier'

This is my journey. He puts me here. It's His plan :')

2011-02-05T00:25:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Syukran dear everyone for the doas & motivation :)

So many interesting things happened lately I have no idea why but perhaps as I get closer to Him, I can really feel His love, presence and touch. I'm truly enjoying every moment of it now; going to Islamic events, spa dzikir, Majlis Maulud and many more! Especially meeting my dearest ukhti-ukthi, it was beneficial, every single minute of it I hope Allah will bless our ukhuwaah! Ameen! The sweetest was when Farah and I shared tissues to wipe away our tears. MasyaAllah, if only it was recorded, I would play it over and over again. For you oh God, so much pain has been taken away.

With the strength He has given me, it is time for me to clean my backyard. I hope He'll guide me. I jot this down during my last qiyaam @ Ar-Raudhah which goes;
" Peliharalah diri kamu dan keluarga kamu daripada api neraka."
- Save yourself and your family from the hell fire.

& today, my sister (Siti Nur Naqiah) has found the hidayah to complete her image as a full-time muslimah cum hijabbi. WELCOME TO THE CLUB! MasyaAllah~~ Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Im so eggcited for her. It got me reminiscing back about the time when I newly donned the hijabb (prolly a year plus or so).
Hahaha the feeling is great, masyaAllah.

I got some motivation from Formspring:

InsyaAllah you will do your best as a Muslimah.

Great that you're doing a great job teaching!

Jazakallah khairan for that wonderful motivation :)
May Allah reward all of your doas!
Here's a very good dzikr (I should say) for your soul. It does ease away your pain ;) InsyaAllah.

Doakan for my sister okay?
I have only one blood sister & I love her so much.
Hope Allah will guide her along, as He has guided me all the way.

& like what Suriyani has said; Dont despair that you're wearing it and your older sister is not, because one day, she'll follow your footstep. Allah will give her the hidayah. It takes time.

Alhamdulillah, for that, and for yesterdays.

Wasalam.

The One Who created this heart, He knows about it.

2011-01-28T23:24:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

I really want to dedicate a whole post to answer this question.

What is it that inspired you to be very devoted to your religion? You were not this devoted years back right? What changed that?

Bismillah. As I am typing this, I am starting to feel jittery and my heart is beating very fast while it shouldn't. I don't know why of all days I picked today to answer this question. I feel the need to clarify it, although this person may have posted it on my Formspring some weeks back.

I am not a person who is as knowledgeable like an ustazah. As I am pouring out my thoughts and views, I make sure that I support it with credible sources insyaAllah.

Firstly, I have to admit I am not as devoted as I am back then. But who am I to say that I am very devoted to my religion now? I am only a normal human being, one of His creation, His servants. I don't know where do I stand in His eyes. I am not sure whether He accepted my prayers or my deeds. So for that reason, I don't dare to claim how devoted I am to my religion yesterday, today or tomorrow.

But what inspired me to be devoted to my religion? Or let me rephrase this, what inspired me to be a better Muslim today and the days that have yet to come?
First, Allah. Second, Allah. Third, Allah.
Nobody actually inspired me to be a better Muslim. It was Him who decides for me. It was Him who chose me to repent and to change. It was Him who showed me the way when I was helpless and despair. It was Him who stayed with me when I was lonely and almost giving up in life.
There was no one else. It was like I was living in grave, all alone in it. Dark. Empty.
I was confused.
My heart was searching for an answer. My mind wasn't at ease. I was laughing as per normal with my friends in college. I was smiling to everyone like normal. I was talking to my parents like I would do everyday. But still, there will be all sorts of thoughts in my mind at the end of the day;
Why am I here? Who created me? Where will I be when I die? Will I just die, or is there another world which awaits me?

Slowly, I began to think of Allah. I began searching for books about Islam, about being a true Muslim. I felt so interested in it. Books after books. Although I took quite a while reading it, I began to understand and joined all the pieces together.

Although I was brought up in a Muslim family, it was only after that 'change' when I truly appreciated and understood what it is to be a Muslim. Although I was sent to read & khatam the Qur'an and to madrasah lessons weekly, it was only then I get to know more about Allah and His Messenger.

It was a tough battle on my part. My soul wasn't at peace. There were so many questions in my head and I felt like it was going to explode any minute. I was asking about the hijjab, polygamy, caliphs, the oppression for women etc.
It was a test. But, I never lose hope in Him. I asked for answers in every of my prayers. I wrote entries in my personal diary; crying and thinking about my life & death.

One day, He gave me the hidayah. The answer to my patience. I experienced a dream (which equates to a nightmare). Of something which I wouldn't want to disclose it here. I felt so sinful. So tired of living a life like it was a stage and I was a puppet, pulled by strings all around me.

& because I want to change, I plant that nawaitu in my heart and make sure I'll shower it with imaan and faith towards Him everyday. From there, I could feel His guidance all along. Even how difficult and tougher the journey gets, I am able to pick myself up from each fall and failures.

As I love history, each time when I read about the History of Islam or the sejarah, I feel so small and tiny as compared to what our Prophet and his sahabahs had fought for. They actually fought for us. They died while shining the truth to the world. I feel like what I am going through today, is so insignificant to their perjuangan.

Nevertheless, I am still the same Nabilah. Perhaps you met me in Secondary Sch. Or maybe you're my best friend back then when I was young with the curly hair and the short green sch skirt. Hahaha, I am as cheerful and happy as I was back then.
Its just that- I donned my hijjab now and I don't remember those days when I didn't wear any hijjab. I feel so serene and compose with my hijjab now.
Or maybe I don't curse using crude words anymore. I don't think I need them to cool my anger. Hahaha I've taught myself to control my words and mouth since I realised He created me with a mouth to praise Him and use it for good purposes.
Or maybe now I have a mind on my own. I don't need to follow others. I don't have to agree to what I oppose against. Islam gives me an opportunity as a woman- her rights to speak & choose. So I choose Allah, His Messenger and Islam. I want to stand for it.

Alhamdulillah. I've spoken my thoughts long enough for this. To you who asked this, thank you so much. Without which, people may have thought I changed not because of some other reasons.
I choose to be a Believer. Its my choice, and Islam is just my deen. The one which occupies my heart. Till eternity. InsyaAllah.

I've let my past dissolve away, so that it will never come back to live again :)

Thank you for spending your time reading this.
You can just ask me any questions you want to know more, about me or Islam, feel free to do so. I will answer out of my best ability. InsyaAllah. Post it on my Formspring!

Take care.
Love Wasalam ♥

Ya Rabbi Bil Mustaffa

2011-01-25T08:04:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

I suddenly miss my old working place. Not that I missed it badly, just wondering how they are doing now, thats all. I am supposed to wait for a photo from them, but up till now- no. Just cheat my feelings only. Hahaha nevermind I shall be patient.

So I shall share with you all the old photos I took there. No, I don't take photos with my face cos I prefer people to take photo with my face in it; haha Im bad at self photo-taking my face.
This is Boon Lay. Okay I fail at taking photos, I admit -.-

And this was where I prayed when I was working there. THE STORE ROOM!

Its not really a nice and convenient place to pray because its very hot and sometimes the cats will come in to scare me while some of my colleagues were startled by a 'white figure' in the store room praying while they came in to get some things. Hahaha but I felt for Allah's sake, I should just do it, no matter where I am because it is described upon me to complete my prayers everyday. I am not showing off (God forbids me) but I really hope this serves as a motivation for you to pray wherever you are. InsyaAllah.

And thats my office @ Boon Lay.
Alhamdulillah. I learnt so many things from there and gained so many experience. If it happens that I found photos that I took with my colleagues I'll post it soon. InsyaAllah.

Okay thats all for today.
Need to clean the house bath and time to teach the babies in school. Hehe.
Haveeee a pleasant and terrific Tuesday insyaAllah.

"Oh Allah, cleanse my heart of the sicknessess of arrogance & pride and let me die as one of the sincere, humble Muslims."

Belated Gifts

2011-01-19T08:35:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

(Gifts I bought & wrapped for my soul sister, may Allah bless this friendship till eternity!!!)

BABE I DIDN'T GIVE UP ON YOU! I gave up on trying to meet you je!!! Hahaha that is a total different thing kay ya Allah I've been telling people to never give up on people and here I am, giving you the impression that I gave up on you! Hehehe.

Awwh you're so cute, when you sound like so panicky!!! No worries\, you made it clear to me already hahaha and I loveeee Farahleez for being truthful and honest to me.
Okay next time don't be so angry okay meet up soonsxsxsxs, busy working woman! :)

♥♥♥

Dear siti NUR nabilah bte kamsan, I won't be blogging anymore cos Im gonna focus on my commitments. But I'll be visiting yours here and then.

Hahaha LUQMAN! Why do you have to caps NUR? Lol. Okay sure no problem Im touched that you still wanna visit my blog despite your commitments. Hahaha you go Luqman! Better keep in touch and tell me about Malay Dance and Canoe asap.
:) Miss you!

I'm so bored. Any song recommendations?

I usually listened to Nasyids from Maher Zain or Hindi Songs. I don't favour Western English songs and I only listen to some malay songs. Favourite artistes like Rossa, Melly Goeslaw, 2D hahaha oldies lah.
At the moment, I handpick this song for you. My favourite. She's so cute. This song makes me fall in love and feeling-feeling like a princess gitu. Haha.

And thats me! I love watching Hindi movies and dance to the songs. How I wish I can show my students all these videos and dance in class. But... Nanti jadi macam Cikgu Sesat kan!
:(

Hahaha
Okay off to work.
Have a wonderful Wednesday, lovelies.
Think of Allah and everything will be fine, insyaAllah.
Keep your questions coming to Formspring.
Love you!

Wasalam.

Love, whats the meaning to it?

2011-01-13T00:06:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah, thank you everyone for your prayers. My father is now very well and kicking alive, hehehe just that he gets tired very easily, emotional and sensitive at times. It gets on my nerves sometimes but oh wells, we all have to endure this. InsyaAllah, Allah will guide and assist me through.

Many things made me happy and alive today. Alhamdulillah, I was greeted with a morning message and wish from Hamba Allah which, in turn, really, I had a nice day. Everything flows almost perfectly- Nothing else is perfect except for Allah-
Although some of my students made me feel like pulling my hair off my head, I managed to control my emotions and anger. Hahaha its all about management. But still, the moment I raised my voice and the whole class goes boomzsxsxs, they just kept quiet and I like that! I want them to know, even though I love them very much, I don't want them to disrespect me and learn nothing at the end of the day. I will make sure that everyday they will go home with more knowledge and ilmu because their parents have given us the trust, to teach and educate their students. Omg, I sound so teacher-y.
Hehe.

Okay this is very cute.

3 of them are my students; from left- Ashthar (Pri 3) Aniqah (Pri 1) and Amsyar (P5). Hehehe they are all of my kids and they are siblings. I always get confused with the brothers' names cos apparently I am no no no goooood at remembering my students' names.

Hahaha.

Although I scold my students almost everyday, I wish tomorrow I will be better than I am today. I love them so much, every single day, I look forward to see them in class.

This is so unlikely me. Haha. I guess I don't need a boyf, cos my students can be a replacement to it. Hehe. Ni macam betul. Sheesshh.

Formspring!

What is the most unselfish thing you have ever done?

Believe me or not, being a teacher is the most unselfish thing I have done to myself and my students. I strongly think its because of my nawaitu. Since I'm sincere in teaching the students, everything seems so beautiful to me, no matter how tired it may be. I enjoy contributing back to the society in this way. I don't even count my pay or even talk so much about it, unless people ask me. Unlike before when I worked for PA. This time round, I really feel Im doing something for the mankind. Cheyyy berbual macam faham. Haha but seriously, this is sincere, from my heart.

Jadi, awak sukakan Bahasa Melayu? Kenapa? (So, you like Malay Lang? Why?)

I am brought up in a family where they stress on the importance of being bilingual. Datuk saya adalah seorang guru bahasa Melayu tetapi dia sudah pencen sekarang. Hmm... Mengapa saya suka bahasa melayu?
Saya rasa bahasa Melayu melambangkan identiti seseorang itu. Bangsa, budaya dan agama yang berkait-rapat antara satu sama lain dapat membezakan diri dan perwatakan seseorang itu. Tanpa bahasa, hilanglah budaya kita. Walaupun adakalanya adat istiadat orang Melayu bercanggah dengan ajaran Islam, yang penting, kita ambil yang baik untuk dijadikan pedoman dan yang kurang baik dijadikan ikhtibar. Saya percaya Bahasa Melayu tidak akan hilang di mata dunia seandainya kita cintakan ilmu bahasa dan budaya kita.
Saya amat mencintai bahasa melayu kerana keindahan dan kelembutan bahasa ini.
Oleh itu, saya memilih untuk menjadi guru melayu pada saat ini- walaupun hanya untuk 6 bulan sahaja. Meskipun saya lebih meminati subjek Sejarah, namun, Sastera Melayu adalah cinta pertama saya :)

Whats a 'dil'?

Heart! Its hindi lang, grabbed it from a song. Movie titled- Salaam Namaste.

Send in your questions/comments to me.
Lots of love
Good night hugs

Wasalam

Bismillah to a New Beginning

2011-01-08T21:02:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Let me begin with the name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate, to my first post for 2011. I pray that 2011 will bring greater happiness and stronger imaan, for myself and also my other brothers and sisters of Islam. InsyaAllah.

As of now, I have finally left my job at Boon Lay. Nice experience, yes it is. Nevertheless, it will never be the kind of profession that I wanna be in. Little time for myself and family, and most importantly, less time for Allah. I admit that I worked there not just to gain experience but it was to help my family with the finances at home. Which I thought, I didn't set my nawaitu for Him. I felt miserable. I didn't feel anything there, not much enjoyment, not even happiness. I was thankful for the friendship and people that I met and know there. But I felt so lost. Really. Having to attend a Christmas party, a countdown event till late like 2am in the morning... Its wrong, to me. Then I heard from one of my ukhti's, she spent the New Year Eve going to majlis/zikrullah events at the different mosques. I was... speechless :(

That was the last day I went to Boon Lay. As I left the place and stared at the office, my desk, the cats, the store room where I usually prayed; I felt a sense of thankful- that I've learnt so much from it.

Perhaps, that was how I wrapped up my 2010. 2010 has been so much for me to handle, but for sure, Allah will not test His servants to their ability of handling it. Alhamdulillah, I should say, I am content with the things that He has granted me thus far.

Now, I am very much settled and happy with my job now. I have been waiting for this since I was still young. A teacher. I am given the opportunity to replace a malay teacher in Zhenghua Pri Sch. Even tho I will only be there for 6 months, I feel so excited and look forward to every new beginning of the day and will feel a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment at the end of the day. Despite the challenges I face every new day- like every day I have at least one of my P1 kids crying in the middle of the class, asking for their mother (normal lah, first week of school mahhh), I still think that it is the kind of job that I want to do in the future, insyaAllah.

Perhaps it is because I set my nawaitu right. Ikhlaskan diri, sabarkan hati dan redha dengan ujian yang diberi. Alhamdulillah.
Perhaps that Hamba Allah really help and guide me along through this difficult moment in my life. With his simple philosophy about life- apart from logic, it is ikhlas, sabar and redha...
I truly understand the meaning of my life now.
Every single day seems to be a reflection for me to understand myself.

I read your twitter. Why are you so stressed up? And you shouldn't be forgetting birthdays.

Oh I am so touched you actually read my twitter too. Alhamdulillah, that happened almost a month ago or less than that, but I picked myself up and promise not to repeat the mistake again, insyaAllah. I see this as the most difficult moment in my life, where I have to juggle between job, family and friends. With the small number of friends that I have, is already so hard to manage, no wonder God doesn't want me to have a lot of friends. Haha.
Even that day, my soul sister gave up on me, gave up on meeting me since she booked me a long time ago but I kept on delaying and postponing it.
That says a lot isn't it? Yes I am always very stress because I have a lot of work and my schedule on weekdays and Saturdays are really bad. Really. I have 3 tuition kids apart from the 90 students I have in school and I have my part-time Islamic lessons every Saturdays.
I am not complaining you know. Its because I find enjoyment, satisfaction and closer to Allah in the things that I do now. Just that I feel sad because along the way I must have hurt my friends or even my family for leaving them behind.
Its not that, just that everything is in a mess. Hopefully when I'm more settled and my dad gets better and my family is calmed, I'll be better.
As I've said, I always believe my today is better than yesterdays.

Hence, I'm thankful for yesterdays because life has always been a battle between duty and desire. Alhamdulillah.

Pray for my dad's safety and recovery.
He will be back to work soon, insyaAllah.
Strong man, isn't he?
:)

Alhamdulillah.

Life As We Know It

2010-12-30T10:50:00.000+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah, tomorrow is already the last day of 2010. I'm not going to write a report of my 2010 now cos everything seems to be jumbling all over my head, perhaps I'm gonna jot down on my personal diary first before tying it and lock it in my memory box forever. Sounds sad.
Even as I'm typing now, sitting by the window, many things come back, memories rewinding. Too many things happened and changed my life. People come and go. Challenges rolling over my head, testing my patience and endurance.

Who is the one friend you admire the most?

Hello there! I've been thinking about this question ever since you post it on my Formspring. I've been thinking through and finding the friend that I think I admire the most. The handful amount of friends that I have, it may seem to be an easy task to pick one of them, but I realised, oh no. This is not right.
I don't have a friend that I admire the most. It sounds wrong to me. Picking one over the other. Admiring one more than the rest. How can that be while Allah specifically created us with different intellectual levels, strengths and weaknesses? I am no wonder woman, and so are my friends.
In fact, I admire every single one of them because of the strengths that they possess. Some are good at this area while the others are better at other arena. Some of my friends are funny and happy-go-lucky to the extent that meeting them would mean you'll be laughing all the way together with them but even the other friends that are more quiet and calm teach me important values and lessons in life.
Friends are meant to be those who come after God and family, playing a major role in guiding one towards the light. In fact, they are the most significant people in our life.

Praises to Allah, I may not have many friends, but the close friends that I have are definitely the sweetest drug in my life, that brought me to the truth.
Luqman for always being there 24/7 and his wise advise about life and death. Without him, I guess my life would be completely different. Whenever he voice out his opinions and perspectives, it would invite retaliation from me but so what, that's how a friendship is. He never force me to believe and agree to his words or thoughts. He makes me think and crack my brain and I like that.
Siti for being the pink ranger in my life, having her around- your world turns into a candy colourful world. Her appearance is already so princessy so ohh it makes me wanna be a princess too. She's so sweet to be with, the girl that I respect the most for being able to stand on her feet and ignore the people who hates her and move on with life. Even though she's sooo pretty, she don't care much about boys ;)
Farahleez Nor Deana for being the most caring sweetest loving beautiful woman walking on the face of the Earth. Swear to God, anyone who tries to break this girl's heart, he'll never see the sunlight again (ni macam faham)! She went through so much in her love life, even I feel so much for her. But guess what, she's so caring and helpful, you will really appreciate her presence in your life and wish you're a guy and do something for her, to make her smile beautifully again.
Rifhan for her calm reaction when you're high and when you're calm she'll be high (on drugs, I guess) Haha. She's so cute I swear I can just drop dead and die on the floor and roll over even after I die. Geee she never fails to make you smile and her words of wisdom can melt you weeee! Her hot body (Hockey la tu konon) can instantly make you wanna dance to hindi song with her. Can you imagine?
Rushdan cheers & thank Allah for the new friendship that was forged and got even closer within the 4 of us. But ever since I work things changed and I forgot your birthday I felt so sad and ungrateful, friend. Oh-my-Allah. He's one of the funniest too, never fails to crack lame nonsensical jokes online or otp or in real life. When the Alevels was getting tougher for me, things getting out of hand and out of control, he managed to help me controlled it. Without which, I may have lost my faith.
Hidayah Sajali for being the most pretty woman during my JC life. For being the most wonderful woman who entertain my antics and nonsense and ramblings. Those were the days when I dragged my feet to sch and seeing her just yknow, there was at least fun things to do apart from attending lectures and tutorials. The girl who share w me sweet stories about love and life. God and death. For slapping me and pinching me whenever I fell asleep in class. Those were the days.
Xin Yee and Steven for their love towards each other. Something so different- something so funny to me since I'm a virgin all about relationship and love. Geee.
Haiza for her leadership role yet caring and soft at the same time. You just have to know her soft spot.
Suriyani & Amalina Shalan for their faith and love towards Allah and their never-ending help and concern towards me and family. For Suri, a friendship of almost 12 years and still going on strong, I pray the best for them, wherever they are, smart alex!
Aisha Osman for her help in improving my english, motivating me here and then, whenever she can. For always talking nonsense to me when I'm bored and lonely, for making me feel like a woman alive, again. Thank you girl for everything, since Alicia's era. Hahaha.

& So thank you best friends for your wonderful birthday treat for me. Like a month after my birthday... Hehe you both are so cute. May both of you clinch happiness both in dunia and jannah insyaAllah.

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

Love & Wasalam
Keep your questions coming for 2011

Patience is adversity

2010-12-25T22:33:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Yay its public holiday today! But it falls on my off day. This means, unfortunately, I only have 2 off days this week, while my other colleagues enjoy 3 days of not working. Unfair. But its okay, I get paid for it, so Alhamdulillah.

I took a photo with Singapore version of Santa while working on that Christmas party cum carnival last Saturday. They told me they hired a professional photographer, but I think I snap better shots -.-

Now, Formspring.

Hello. It's been awhile I've been here. How's life?

Hi there. Thank you for coming back to read my blog.
Life; life has always been amazing to me. Things that happened today, has happened. Whatever that will come tomorrow, will be unexpected.
Recently, when my dad was hospitalized for the second time in the same year, it was a huge blow for us, especially since it was more fatal than before. But I learned my lesson. I become stronger and wiser than I was yesterday, really.
I grow up to be very dependent on my parents and family. But since yesterday, I changed to be an independent lady. I learn how to travel on my own to far distant places while before this my dad usually send me to where I want to go (most of the time). Even to school (which was only 4 stops away)

Now, I become a mature young lady in my family. I love them more than before.
As I am currently working,(although for temporary only) I notice life isn't as sweet and as wonderful as I've always imagined. Being confined to my room most of the time during my school days, I always believe that life is simple and sweet, only if we understand and appreciate it. But I forgot that life is given by Allah. A gift. Thus, He deserves the right to test us in any way that He would, and I'm sure He would test us based on our capabilities. Without which, we would not be able to taste the sweetness of being devoted to Allah and rooted to Islam.
Lately, I met a 'long-lost friend' or rather, my patient back then. Long story, lets cut it short.
He taught me 3 things- the basic which most of us would easily forget when we face with difficulties in life.

Sabar, Ikhlas & Redha. (Patience, Sincerity & Acceptance)
The moment when he mentioned these 3 things after I poured out my 1001 problems at work and at home, I was taken aback and suddenly felt so calm. MasyaAllah, the greatness of Allah- yang Maha Mendengar lagi Mengetahui.
He also shared with me regarding Surah Al-Kahf. Try reading it if you face any sort of problems or difficulties. Quite a long surah, I am in the midst of reading it too. Hopefully insyaAllah, we'll benefit from it together.
The words of Allah, nothing is as perfect and beautiful as it is. & I, don't deserve to make any opinions or judgements. If His words are perfect, mine are just minor and insignificant.

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

Ashley Smith

Love and Wasalam.
Ask me questions on Formspring okay?
Take care.

Milenge Milenge

2010-12-19T22:42:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Yesterday was the Christmas Party event held @ Boon Lay and I had to go down for work. It was actually supposed to be my off day. A little sad actually but since Mr Lee was nice enough to replace it with an off day today (on a SUNDAY) so I guess there's give & take here. It was really really tiring yesterday and I was all alone there, a temp staff- ALL ALONE can you imagine? Asri kept on laughing at me for the sad face that I had and they claimed I looked like I was going to break down any minute on that partayyeee. Oh dear, why wouldn't I? All alone, handling the scary people in Boon Lay? Nevertheless, I stayed put, strong and independent. So I managed the whole event there. Reached home at 1130pm.
Things that made me happy- A photo with Santa. Okay Im gonna scan it and upload soon ookay?

So this is my workplace. Not exactly my desk since I move around the office most of the time but still I'm so thankful to Allah because at the very least I work while sitting down and I am in an air-condition office! I wish I can place my little bears there but I'm afraid the cats in the office will eat up my bears.

Okay 2 more weeks to the end of December and I still have the New Year Party/Countdown to attend @ Boon Lay. For the first time in my life, I celebrated Christmas and am going to attend a Countdown Party. All this is for my work sake and don't worry, I will still don my hijab and complete my prayers (since they allow me to pray in the office~ geee)

Moving on to Formspring now.

Pernahkah anda tidak menjawab soalan-soalan yang telah dihantar kepada anda?

(Have you ever ignore or refuse to answer the questions that are being posed to you?)

No, most of the time I never delete the questions before answering them. Either I take a long time to answer it since I choose to pick only at most 3 questions to answer on each of my blog entry ;) Anyway don't worry. As long as the questions are sensible and deserve an answer, then no worries, I'll answer it, InsyaAllah.
By the way, your malay is perfect! I like, since you're the first who asked me using Malay Lang and I love malay lang a lot. Keep it up okay?

Tell me more about your colleagues. What's their issues?

Oh dear, no I hope you're not getting the wrong message across here. My colleagues are just fine as they are. I'm starting to love them and have this sense of attachment, day by day. As I have make plans this January and there is a huge possibility that I'm leaving them; I'm beginning to feel very sad. Especially since Asri told me they have no problems with me working there so far and they pretty like my work. Talking about politics, its everywhere, right? So not much of an issue. At times they do make me feel afraid and uncomfortable (since I'm only a temp staff) but the amount of trust they put in me since I was given the task to handle the Christmas party event there on my own, says a lot isn't it?
Only that I felt there wasn't much of a challenge as I wanted it to be. Its tiring, yes, but for a girl like me, I like to learn new things and experience work that challenges my mind and requires my thinking cap and abilities.
So I will like to say here I am happy and thankful with what Allah has given me- nice colleagues who are like a family to me, and pretty cool environment to work. I learn a lot from Boon Lay itself.
I shall not complain anymore and speak good of my job for the next 2 weeks, okay?

Penat, kak? (You're tired, sister?)

Hmm I've never ever liked anyone calling me kak. Even my little brothers call me by my pet name, and its like once in a blue moon they call me kak. Only my lil cousins call me that, and thats like once a year during Raya I hear them calling out to me. Hopefully you're younger than me and I'll forgive you for that. Remember, ana ni 18 je tau!
Oh yes I am. I am very tired. But I realized many things make me happy at the end of the day. The long bus ride (1hr journey) to work, the books that I read, the Hindi songs I listened to, the movies I watched during my off days, the lil' jokes from my colleagues, the smile on the faces of the people I care and love so much (my family of course) and getting messages from my best-friends asking to meet-up;
I notice now that perhaps Im just being selfish and ungrateful. So tomorrow I shall be stronger than I am today- physically and mentally. My body should handle whatever is given.
Alhamdulillah. I am willing to be tired at the end of the day just to enjoy the things that I mentioned earlier.
Allah is fair. Whatever He takes away from you, He'll give you something else that is better in life and here-after.

Remember- When Allah swt is taking away something from your hand, He is not punishing you, but merely emptying your hand to receive something better.

And my dil goes hmmm... La la la.
Okay thats all for tonight because tomorrow will be a long day for me.
Afternoon shift is really bad- opps no complains!
Be positive, Nabilah.
Good things will come soon.
InsyaAllah.
Pray for my father and my family okay.

Will update soon.
Keep your questions pouring in ;)
Wasalam.

Leap Year 2010

2010-12-14T09:16:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Finally a day to rest my tired head! Alhamdulillah. Nothing much to say actually. My colleagues are just fine as they are but I am going to quit as soon as possible, because I guess desk job are just not my cup of tea, or perhaps, not to People's Association. I don't deny when Jusri said that everywhere you go, there will be politics. In every workplace, in any career that you choose to be. Well, I cannot be bothered.
At this moment, when my dad is sick and I'm not feeling good myself, my head is in a mess (with all the A levels haunting me etc) I don't really want to know about politics at work.
So when Ismail kept on nagging about politics in the management yadaa yadaa and the cute sweet aunties story-telling me all sort of things, I was astounded. Yes, they blurted like 1001 stories to a temporary staff like me so how am I supposed to react?
Ah wells, since they're nice to me I will usually just nod my head and smile (24/7) and hope that my shift will end as soon as possible.
I have another supervisor too; Asri. Pretty relax and easy-going. Makes me comfortable in office.

I followed Aunty Rohayah, Wei Ling and Chiang Soon to JP to buy Christmas gifts for the Christmas Party and I realize I should meet my favorite Hidayah, Haiza, Xin Yee and Steven for Christmas too, right? Its their Christmas, I cannot just ignore them just cause I have my own personal problems.

I watched Leap Year (2010) yesterday after work and its so romantic and sweet and Amy Adam is so pretty. The last time I watched her on the screen was the Night at the Museum2 and I love her being a princess in Enchanted. Okay that's it. I'm a movie addict now. Hollywood and Bollywood makes me a happy woman.

Ah anyway its my off day today and my neighbor, just right above me, is having their house under renovation. Thank you so much, neighbor. Just when I need my rest and sleep on my off day, you ruin it. That's it. I'm going to the library to read.

Good day people, insyaAllah.
Blessings and Wasalam.
Keep me in your prayers.

Setitis Embun Cinta

2010-12-10T18:33:00.004+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah I found a job as an admin officer@govt in Boon Lay. I'm lazy to move deeper into my job scope but its sort of a community job I must say and they pay me lower than the normal market rate for Alevels students/tertiary students. Its okay, I guess its only temporary. As-sobirun, Nabilah. As-sobirun :)

I borrowed Pudarnya Pesona Cleopatra by Habiburrahman (I officially declare him as my fav writer now). My friends told me his books are boring oh please I beg to differ!!! Maybe because I love Malay Literature and Malay Language itself so his books are definitely well written and tak berbunga-bunga. It touches deep within my heart and he didn't over-do it.
Whenever I finished reading his books, it would make me feel like a woman in love geeee and all the love music comes playing at the background, the tune of the piano and the white birds, is it the dove, flying around yadaa yadaa.

Login into my Formspring, many asked about my Love Life. Haha I keep on ignoring it and initially I wasn't interested but since I'm in the mood now, thanks to Habiburahman, I shall pick one or two.

What characteristics do you look for in a guy?

Haha. I've never really thought about it you know. Like how the guy must look like, or the characteristics he must possess because I really cannot be bothered. Since young, I believe things will go naturally. Since I'm more inclined towards religion now, I believe in fate and His powers in determining the guy that will marry me. Most importantly, that guy must love me whole-heartedly, because of Allah. Sounds cliche but I want my love story to be that way.
It'll be too idealistic if I want a guy like our Prophet Muhammad saw or even someone who has most of his characteristics. So I thought, I rather have a low-profile and a simple man.

Firstly, he must be a practicing Muslim. Nope, he doesn't need to be conservative etc, or one who is very particular about religion. I like it the way how he keeps the waajib. That'll be enough to guide me and the family. We can always learn more about Allah & Islam together.

Second, he must accept and love my parents and family. He must be willing to take care of my parents like he takes care of his own parents. It goes both ways; I will accept him and his family, and vice-versa. InsyaAllah.
I think these 2 are the most important aspects I look in a guy.

Physical-wise, I'm not too bothered. Really. I'm not that perfect either, so I will appreciate his love more.
For the education aspect, hmm, maybe I'm a bit demanding here. Its not because I look down on those guys who are not as educated, but I am scared they will feel insecure and 'powerless'. Men have ego (please don't deny, its true!). Only certain men are able to handle it when they know their gfs or wives are more intelligent or of higher rank/authority than them etc. I told my mum about it, she said it doesn't really matter. She heard of successful marriages where the husband is only a dispatch rider while the wife is a teacher.
Sheesh it depends on the circumstances right?

But whatever it is, I want a guy who will make me happy and having him seems like I'm living on cloud nine. Or maybe even better, he will make me a princess like those in hindi films.
I want my love story to be like y'know; the moment you look into their eyes, you experience an electric shock circulating around your system. You will just freeze there, standing rooted to the ground, and your heart starts beating faster and faster (hopefully it won't be a case of a heart-attack) and you can hear the violin or soft music playing at the back of your head and the wind starts to blow your face while in my case my hijab will start to fly a little bit and yadaa yadaa yadaa. I know, it sounds like just another love story, but who cares?
I choose to believe that love does exist in such a way. Even if it doesn't go the way I want it to be, I am sure Allah has already prepared a beautiful love story for me and I have faith in it, so I shall wait and see ;)

Ever thought of getting a boyfriend?

HAHAHA I AM A NORMAL HUMAN BEING, of course I do have such thoughts in my head. But oh wells, I always avoid relationships or even getting to know boys. Firstly, I am not ready and my mum will just complain, "Oh you will never be ready even in 10 years down the road". Secondly, I have been single for a very long period of time. It takes time for me to adapt and commit to relationships. In fact, its been quite a while ever since I contacted a guy for serious relationship intentions. Also, there will be a lot of things I have to forgo when I commit to relationships like spending quality time with my family, doing things that I like to do alone, freedom, etc. I love having my own personal space a lot without anyone interfering, or perhaps freedom itself. I have many things in life that have yet to be completed, and the last thing in the list will be getting a boyfriend. Most of the time, I leave it in the hands of Allah. If He decides that I will get marry tomorrow, be it. If not, then I accept as it is. I am a believer and I have faith in His love.
-But no, don't worry, I don't think I will get married tomorrow. I'm working lahhh.-

& I am a difficult girl to handle & control ever since I embraced the idea of feminism. So I guess guys would definitely have second thoughts of proposing me as their gf. Wink.

"Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karim (generous provision i.e.Paradise)"

Surah An-Nur ayat 26 of the Noble Quran

Salaam Maal Hijrah

2010-12-06T23:47:00.002+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Salam Maal Hijrah! :D

I'm feeling so good and elated today. I don't know why maybe because yesterdays are over. Hmm but not really over. We're still facing with same problems today but I believe that each new day brings greater imaan and faith towards Him insyaAllah. Since He put me (and the rest of us) on this test, I should not complain nor whine because it is written for me. I accept whatever He gives me.

Finding a job isn't as simple as I thought it would be. Really. I've sent in my resume to almost 30 different companies/firms/employers or whatever you call it but yeah I'm still waiting for their reply! Not only that, I need to consider about my hijab. I should figure out this mess really soon. I'm a bit angry over this issue, I don't know why. Maybe because I believe we as individuals have our own personal rights. May Allah guide me please.

Today I'm glad I helped mum with the house chores. Like I did a string of house works the whole morning and afternoon, which I never did before. So I guess I am considering whether I should be a full-time housewife ;) -which I always wanted to be and my sister has been lecturing me you know better throw away your certificates and qualifications if you wanna be a housewife-

Hahaha

I don't know manzsxs. I thought its cool to be one. I did the laundry this morning, prepared lunch for dad, cleaned the whole house plus the bedrooms and kitchens and washed the toilet. Had a small cut on my finger and thats all that it takes.

But its okay I am still going to continue studying (should not just stop here because I will not be satisfy staying at this level) and let nature takes its course. I plan my future ahead, I have big dreams like any other person but ultimately I guess there's much more responsibilities for me ;) God bless.

Hmm wondering why I sound so happy and chirpy even when my father is sick and the rest is so worried? Maybe because the experience taught me to be a stronger woman, and I really proved it! There was once a man who told me why am I so emotional and I like to cry bla bla bla so my resolution this year is to control my tears and emotions! I really tried my best and it works! Voila! Success! -But I've been bottling quite a bit too:( - See the opportunity cost of it.

Okay moving on to FORMSPRING!

Are you in any madrasah? If not, planning to enrol in one?

I was a part-time madrasah kid in Masjid Al-Khair (Teck Whye) since I was in Pri 1 and completed with a certificate till Sec 4 /JC1 (2009). I stopped my religious studies this year (2010) because my mom wanted me to concentrate on my Alevels. As such, this coming 2011 I am going to enrol in part-time Diploma in Islamic Studies in one of the Islamic Edu Hub in Sg. Meeting new muslim brothers and sisters, sharing thoughts and views, studying in-depth about Islam, it'll be fun, yknow. I definitely miss studying on my table! Look how messy it is but I love it when I have something concrete to do and achieving something at the end of the day.
Thanks for the question!
Since you asked, why not join me?

Hey I'm sorry to hear about your dad! Stay strong!

Thank you sweetheart. Don't worry, I'm stronger than yesterday. God will never fail to test us, only by asking for His strength and help, my love and faith towards him have assisted me in going through this painful journey. A very tough journey I should say, but sweet ending I hope. My maths teacher used to share with me this quote; You will only get to see the rainbow after the rain :)

YOU ARE SO KYUT HEHEHEHE IF YOU DK WHO THIS IS YOU SUCK BBY :(

Of course Farahleez Nordeana, its you! Who else could it be? I know all of my darlings and gfs well, don't worry! Wink.

So why tired?

Thats a weird question, nevertheless I will still answer you. At times like this, I always pray to God not to let others go through what I went through but then when I read the newspaper, or watch news on TV about those people going through hardships and difficulties in other parts of the world like Palestine, Indonesia, Philippines, I felt sad and I scolded myself for being too soft.I shouldn't have said I'm tired because its equivalent to complaining. But when I punched those alphabets on my keyboard, I was really tired. I slept for only 3 hours the first few nights in the hospital because we took turns to look after dad and to supervise our belongings. Then relatives came to visit my dad so I had to keep myself awake and fresh in front of them. I've nothing against it, really. In fact, it was heart-warming to see relatives and friends being more concern than I ever thought they would be.
But because I didn't have enough rest and I didn't even bath properly (seriously) it was really tiring. But I stayed put with the rest because I can't afford to be weak in front of the lil' boys (my brothers) and my emotional sister and mother. I have to step up and get all the things done. That's my responsibility.
Its like one after the other. The Alevels itself was draining and by the end of it I was so jaded. Now this incident, then finding temporary/part-time job. Nothing seems easy to me, trust me. But I have to do it. Remember, who am I?
Nur Srikandi Hijabbi ;)
The muslim woman who will face whatever ordeals in life. She has promised to God and herself that whatever it is, she is going to complete that mission in life because everything here is temporary, she is doing it for the sake of the love for Allah and the after-life.
InsyaAllah.

Allahuakhbar.
Keep me and my family (esp my dad) in your prayers.
Allah will reward you.
Jazakallah Khairan.
Keep the questions pouring in. Love to hear more from you.
Regards & Wasalam.

Salam All

2010-12-05T00:56:00.000+08:00

Caبسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

I'm very tired. I've been sleeping irregularly, waking up at weird hours and feeling sleepy at times when I'm usually active. But grandparents have been taking care of us well, like feeding us good food and make sure we do our prayers on time, reminding us and waking us in the morning. They'll be leaving for Langkawi tomorrow and I'm gonna miss them badly :(
Of course, they can't just cancel their flight and trip at the very last minute so we hope you'll enjoy your holiday there~ wee!

As for me, the tough is really going on now, even after the As. I thought I would have time to recuperate and relax before doing on more serious things but now I have to put the list-of-things-to-do-after-the-As aside and start looking for a job now.
I don't think my dad will be able to work due to his weak memory and he is still mentally unstable yet. Since I'm free I should really get out of my comfort zone and look for a job so that we can carry on living in this high cost of living world :(

Anyway I received a really really really interesting question that I thought about it over and over again especially since my dad was hospitalized this week.

Can you imagine life without a God?

With the name of Allah, the most merciful and the most compassionate one. I start my day by saying that (translation to Arabic~ Bismillahirahmanirahim) and I end my day by washing my face, hand and feet and recite a few surahs and syahadah and alhamdulillah and saying goodnight to Him. Really, I can NEVER imagine my life without Allah.
Even when I received the call that my dad is dying in the ambulance (astaughfirllah) I was scared and weeping at the middle of the MRT platform, talking on the phone, and calling out to Him to ease this pain. I talked to Him every moment I was in the cab, I was praying to Him every moment I stood beside my dad in the ICU asking him to prolong my dad's life because we still need him at this moment.
Life without God will be very different. Religion itself prove to be a compass or a moral guide for the majority of us and most of the time it shapes our characters and behaviours. How can one think of life without God while I believe 99% of us (haha statistics like real only -wink-) will definitely exclaim this "OH-MY-GOD". So mentioning the word God tells us that God cannot be missing from our lives.
I cannot deny that some of us don't believe in God or any sort of religion and I respect their decisions but if you ask me whether life without God is possible or whether I can imagine it, nope. I don't think so. When people face with difficulties or hardships in life, it is proven that they turn to their Gods or their own faiths most of the time.
How can life without God be when we need the answers to who created the mother Earth, who created the trees, moon, Sun and who created the Humans? We know the scientific process of how one is formed from the sperm fuses into the egg but then who created it? If you keep on questioning it, having this long string of questions in your head (that happened to me too actually) you'll start believing that there should be some form of power up there.
So the Creator, God or to me Allah is the one, and definitely, with all these sort of questions coming to us, it is highly unlikely to deny that life without a God is possible.

Goodnight lovelies.
I need to sleep and rest my head now.
God bless.
♡
Wasalam

A Letter To Our Dearest Father

2010-12-02T01:59:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum,

Dear Ayah,

We miss you. Its been almost 30 hours you've been there on the bed battling for your life. I know its been so hard for you; we can only afford to see you and pray for you, but the rest is really up to you.

Mama told us you're a strong man, since the day she married you. Because of that, I stay put up till now to wait for you to come back with us. Its been tough on our side too, but we have so much faith in you, we know you're going to pull this through.

Mama has been crying non-stop. Me? Nope I cried a little, but it wasn't as bad as mama or kakak. I know you know I'm a strong girl so I'm gonna be as strong as you and fight this battle together.

Despite being unconscious, you cried when we touched your forehead or whispered to your ears. Mom wiped those tears for you.

From there, I know, you're not giving up.

& so do I. None of us will.

We love you so much okay?

♥

Come back soon. We miss you. We'll stay by your side, here, together.

InsyaAllah.

Lots of Love, Care & Concern

Siti Nur Nabilah Binte Kamsan

Hehe ♥

2010-11-29T10:26:00.001+08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalamualaikum

Feel so blessed today. I'm 18, the biggest gift Allah has given me in life. To be able to see the world He formed, to breath the air He created, to hear the azan - praising Him, calling others to face Him, to be able to recite His beautiful revelations as part of the surah in our solat.

I don't have much friends, so I rarely got like a big bucket of gifts from friends every year. But the wonderful ones are obviously their prayers and wishes. My phone got jammed, stucked and spoilt yesterday but my sister solved the issue and yeah I replied all of your text messages and FB wishes already by this morn. Syukran for the doas. Really, I appreciate each of them and only He will reward you for it.
Luqman & Rifhan called me yesterday for an advanced bday wish before Luqman flies to China. Hope that my best boy in doing fine there.
& I never want any gifts in my life cause I know how boring my life is since I can count the number of good and really close friends that I have. Haha. Even my mum knows I rather stay at home and cuddle on my bed with a book in my hand rather than going out hanging with friends -wink-

Nevertheless, I have a really beautiful family to complement that short-fall I face in life. I'm too close to my family and I regard that as the most precious jewel in my life.
They brought me to Malaysia yesterday to celebrate my birthday since I missed a lot of outings with them and I vividly remember that lonely Friday on Diwali when they went to Malaysia and I was left all alone at home to study. I had to buy my own lunch and it was really disgusting! Haha but for the sake of ilmu. For Him, nothing else matters.

So here are some of the pictures. Others are in my sister's iPhone. (she's still asleep now, look at the watch!!! hehe yeah I'm lazy to wake her up)

Moving on to Formspring now.

When is your birthday?

Geee its today!!! It this pure coincidental or you're just trying to pull my leg here?!?! Hahaha okay so now since you know when is my birthday, wish me then!

So why you like pink?

Hahaha you're not so observant! If you notice closely, its not that I like pink but I like flowers. I really like/madly deeply truly in love with flowers cos I believe they bring colours to our life. They look so sweet hahaha and I think you think I like pink cos everything in here is in pink. Well, most flowers are related to pink; they look cheery and sweet and cute, and I think flowers with the most beautiful colour is not red but pink. Men assume all women love red flowers cos it symbolizes love, (I agree) but sometimes other colours cheer up a girl's day too!

This is so random and fun. What are you doing 2 hours ago?

Teee heee you're so cute! Random and fun- Hmm I have to agree with you. Some of the questions other people asked can be funny and interesting. Hahaha.
What was I doing 2 hours ago?
- Hmm that'll be 8 in the morning today. Well I was watching a video on Science & Islam on YouTube and I came across another video whereby they compared between the noble Quran and the Holy Bible. I thought it was unfair and ridiculous. Why would you want to compare? Would you like it if I compare you to another person and start criticizing you and promoting the other? Lets try and be neutral. I mean, if you want to be a leader; you tell others your strength but not your opponent's weaknesses. I just felt it was nonsense (really) cos I don't like to compare. I hate it when my mum compare me to my other siblings. Likewise, the video on comparing the Bible and Quran is just some trash on YouTube and should be discarded to the smelly bin!

& then my mum came in to talk to me. Hmm what did she said? Oh she told me breakfast is ready!

Heehee I'm gonna to spend the remnant of the morning by reading the newspaper and clean my room and watch the TV.

May Allah reward you with His blessings.
Keep me awake with your questions. Would love to hear more from you!

Wasalam.

Aaaeeeeehhaaaaahhhh Ohhhhh!

2010-11-27T23:32:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum

I know I promised to update yesterday but I was so tired after hanging out at Hidayah's place to watch Lagenda Budak Setan then had to meet Steven to buy food for chalet next week ;) & I spent the whole night finishing that book. Hahaha can't wait for the ending.
I apologize.

Today was just splendid. Started the day with a jog at the area outside my primary sch (I miss it, really) and afterward accompanied my mum to collect my lil bro's report book from Al-Iman. No difference from the Meet-the-Parents session in his secular school. His teachers would just complain what big mouth he has, he can never stop talking in class! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? Hahaha so cute, I know, but frankly, at times, I feel irritated too cause he just can't stop talking to me. I feel like you know, gluing his mouth using a super-glue when he disturbs me with his questions, rants and talks (esp when I'm studying).
Oh not forgetting, I attended my neighbour's birthday partaayeee today! How lovely, those yummy food! (after so long)

Oh & look! Hahahaha my college hired a barber that day when I went back for consultation before the big As. Hahaha and can you imagine, like cutting your hair for 5 bucks outside the lecture theater? Ya rules are rules. Disgusting rules :(

Okay shall move on to Formspring questions now.

I thought you said you wanted to answer a few questions. I feel so cheated now. Tsk.

Awwwh cheated?!?! Don't be. Hahaha I wanted to on my previous post, but time doesn't permit. So tonight I shall answer more than 1. Will that please you? Hopefully :-) Anyway thanks for the comment.

Honestly, although I'm not a believer of your faith- your devotion, faith toward your faith is really admirable! :)

Awwwh!!! (blush) I'm so touched. Thank you so much for the feedback and encouragement. In a way or another, it does help me to improve myself to be a better Muslim and increase my faith and imaan toward my one and only Creator. Seriously, thank you! If you have any queries or questions that you want to ask about Islam, feel free to do so. I'll be willing to help and share :)

So why are you Nur Srikandi Hijabbi?!!!

Haha! Quite a tough one. Why am I Nur Srikandi Hijabbi? Okay. Lets start with how I got the name 'Nur Srikandi Hijabbi'. My real name given by my lovely parents(the one printed on my birth cert) is Siti Nur Nabilah. So 'Nur' I got from my real name and I have a girl friend who loves calling me Nur as we both love watching Nur Kasih that time. Nur in Arabic means the light. And I forgot how Srikandi Hijabbi came about but it was from an internet stranger turn friend. Till today! Wink!
And Srikandi Hijabbi is a female hero cum fighter with the hijabb(head scarf) on. -wink wink-

So why am I 'Nur Srikandi Hijabbi'? Hmm - I believe that a muslim woman has her role to play not only as a faithful wife taking care of the household or as a daughter who dutifully stays by her family but I am sure as a woman, I want to play a much bigger role than that. I don't think I want to preach that sort of way or you know force or attract people to believe in what I believe. But I want to be a role-model to my other family members; my cousins, nephews, nieces and the other small lovely ones.I believe that by doing something whole-heartedly and sincerely, it'll come naturally as it is and Allah will bless it. So the others will follow suit, without having to preach at all. I rather stay neutral (inevitable much sometimes) but most of the times, whatever I say in here, whatever I do outside, whatever I believe in, whatever it is, it is actually for my own. I don't know if I sound selfish here, but I just want to please Allah, nothing else. It is to increase my faith, imaan and love towards Him. InsyaAllah.
So thats my mission in life!

Okay love. Thats all for today. I can't afford to write more. -Yawn-
Looking forward to a family day tomorrow.
Keep your questions going and believe in what you believe.
Have faith in your strength and His miracles.
With God's willing, everything will be fine.

Wasalam.

A Short and Sweet, Terrific Thursday

2010-11-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum

I promise myself that I won't sleep any later than 12 from today onwards. If not it makes no difference during the Alevel horrifying days (tee hee) and I need my beauty sleep back, definitely. I'm a morning person thus I need to turn in early.

Okay lets make this short.

Today was terrific. 5 big sparkling stars for the day, ya Rabb. I'm so contented as I finally get to go out with my mum and my dear brother (the youngest one of all) to Causeway for an early lunch. Its now under construction, some of the shops at certain levels but there's still a lot of people streaming in there, endlessly. I should say, its a hot-spot for workers to have their lunch and the students back from CCA or extra classes (since sch for the year has officially end).
I got a bowl of tom yam ban mian oh-my-Allah its super delicious. Hahaha really!

I'm also in the midst of reading a book by my all time fav novelist and its thriller/suspense I love it so much, it has been keeping me on the edge of my bed. Don't feel like moving an inch (except to turn the pages) when I started on it. Oh yes, the smell of the library on the book! Its so lovely. (sounds weird, but not to an avid reader reading library books)

So now I shall answer a question that I picked from my Formspring.

Tell me what you like about Islam.

If I tell you that I accepted and chose to believe in Islam on my own accord, you wouldn't believe me because I am born into a Muslim family and the culture and religion here is still strong and deep-rooted. Yes my parents 'introduced' me to Islam, taught me the 5 pillars of Islam & the 6 articles of Faith, sent me to Madrasah and ensure that whatever happens, in my I/C- it will state that my religion is Islam.
You can choose to believe me or not, but it was my decision to fully embrace Islam. To accept it without any doubt and take the oath that
'There is no other god except for Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger'.

That sentence itself is so perfect, like Him.
Through this, the thing I like so much and love endlessly about Islam is that oath- that syahadah. It is perfect, because that is the first thing the new brothers and sisters of Islam recite when they convert and accept Islam as their guide. It is said 9 times or more each day- in every of our prayers. We say it to remind ourselves that He is our God, and Muhammad is His Messenger, Our Leader. Not forgetting, before our souls are separated from our body, we have to recite this line for the final time before we embark on the Here-after journey.
So what makes Islam special? A lot of things. But to me, the very basic itself, the first pillar of Islam (the syahadah) I should say, will be my answer to this question.

;) So to this man who asked me this, I hope that sufficiently and succinctly answered your question!

Will update again tomorrow InsyaAllah.
Keep your questions coming and have faith in Him.

Blessings.

Back

2010-11-24T17:10:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Finally I'm back at this space. I miss so many things, a lot.
My family especially. Been living all alone in my room, and they'll be out most of the weekends. Leaving me all alone to wallow in self-pity and what's not.
I have also been switching off my phone at certain times and I'll only reply to those messages that are urgent or friends asking me about exam.
There was once when a friend asked me,
"Have you been happy?"
I was astounded. It hit me right there.
And she said,
"You are no longer the bubbly girl I know since we're young. We miss you laughters."

I forgot how to smile and laugh, living a care-free life yesterday. And today, I promise to myself, I'll pick up my courage, from where I left it yesterday, and will see that life is beyond those thick notes and books, its beyond those formulas and concepts.

I've included FormSpring on my blog (the left-hand corner) of the section. Ask me anything- about Islam, my family, myself, anything.
InsyaAllah, I'll be free and I'll keep updating this little space of mine.

Keep your faith high.

Farewell is not a Goodbye

2010-10-16T19:36:00.001+08:00

"Jangan berduka-cita, sesungguhnya Allah akan sentiasa bersama kita." (al-Taubah/9:40)

I shall make this short and sweet!

Okay father bought Cheezels for me to snack on while studying! Go try it. Its tasty, but oh wells, I don't really like cheese. But the CHILI (yummy!) complements it.

And there goes our farewell, our last official day in school. Did tear a bit, well, just a bit! I shouldn't have you know, as I reflected when I went back home. I should have been happy and thankful instead for all the friendships and the opportunities that otherwise have made me a completely different person than I am today. Well lots of the notes I received and reflections did mention that I'm a religious girl that inspired them to be a better muslim. Alhamdulillah!

I♥YouAllForTheWonderfulMessages&Gifts.

So I should end here, finally, and go on a hiatus for a month till the end of my examinations. The last day will be on the 23rdNov, ahh, the smell of fresh air & freedom getting nearer. InsyaAllah.

I seek your help to make some doas & to include me in each of your prayers as I proceed into the climax of the battle in achieving my dreams. May the questions that will come out will be the things that I have studied very hard for the past days & months and hopefully I will face it with strength from Allah and the love and believe in Allah's help & miracle.

Thank you brothers and sisters.

InsyaAllah.

I will see you on 23rd November.

Wasalam.

Walaupun perasaan cinta dan kasih sayang merupakan fitrah daripada Allah, tetapi kita perlu sedar bahawa keabadian cinta itu tidak akan diperoleh sebagai satu anugerah tetapi diiringi dengan usaha dan susah payah .
- Abul Islam

Be Thankful

2010-10-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum
With the name of Allah

I shall be more positive today since the date today [10.10.2010] is extremely beautiful and may the rest of the day be filled with blessings and the desire to pleasure Allah, insyaAllah.
Have nothing much to update! Just some own self-motivation words that I believe by writing it here, I can share it with everyone else.

My lovely boy studying beside me when I was busy revising for the big As and his End-of-Year examination is drawing near. I just love watching him doing his work and adjusting his tiny cute blue spectacles.

Be thankful that you don't have everything that you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times,
During those times you mature and grow.

Be thankful for you limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things,
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they become your blessings.

♡

Satu-Dua Kau

2010-09-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

Dari pandangan mata ini

Daya tarikanmu tersendiri

Gaya mu berasksi sederhana, aku tertawan

Hanyalah kau satu, satu, satu idamanku...

Tiada lagi dua, dua, dua di hatiku...

Kau renungi dalam mataku

Kau rasakan dalam hatimu

Andai kau rasa debarannya

Kan terjalin lah dua rasa!

(Satu-Dua Kau: Salwa)

Laaaa Laaaa Laaaa♥

Walaupun si dia dah pergi, saya ada addiction baru saya!

Yay I will soon have two cute babies at home to look after my As.

Wasalam,

Till next time when I'm free!

Biar hati berkata

2010-09-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

Terbangkanlah dikau
Pergi mencari kasih hakiki
Menjadi hamba yang mencintai
Menimba ilmu untuk duniawi dan ukhrawi

Bebaskanlah dirimu
Dari ikatan dunia
Yang boleh mengkaburi matamu
Yang boleh merosakkan hati nuranimu

Perjalananmu masih jauh lagi
Namun tepatilah janjimu
Untuk membawa gelaran itu pulang
Menjadi kebangaan pejuang Illahi

Biar ku titipkan doaku buat dirimu
Akan terlaksana cita murnimu
Sungguhpun mulut terkunci
Namun hati tetap berkata
Ku serahkan segalanya pada ya Rabbi

//Siti Nur Nabilah Kamsan

24 September 2010

Minal Aidil Wal Fa Izin

2010-09-12T14:21:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum,

Today is already the 3rd of Syawal~ Allahuakhbar. Thanks to Him, we get to meet this beautiful and 'fun-filled' month once again.
Lets goooo through the whole process since I love writing and narrating my life story.
I was religiously studying at home when things happened. First, the drill. My father was being sooo 'sweet'. He was drilling something on the wall as requested by mum (thats why he is sweet) which disrupted my revision.
Then, the whole house went black-out. There was a short-circuit, someway somehow at home and this really got on my nerves because I was studying and I need the light!!!
Finally, I gave up. The subsequent days, I decided to study in the library.
As we got nearer to the first of Syawal, I decided to spend a little bit more time with my family, especially the day before Raya. After Maths revision in the morning till late afternoon, I decided to help out my sick Mum as she was down w flu. Too many things that I did till my fingers bled and my shoulders got dislocated etc etc :-) No I'm just joking. I helped out here and there, whatever that I can afford to, but I cleaned my room the most. I love my room cos thats where I pray recite my quran communicate with Allah study sleep watch movies read books google-ing laugh w my sister and many many many more. So my sister and I decided to give our room a new look!

Here comes the first day of Syawal. As soon as I heard the takbir, it kinds of give me the feeling that one cannot describe. Sad melancholic as you follow the tune yet happy as you did your best for the one whole month of Ramadhan. But as the night past by, I prayed to Allah to let me meet His Ramadhan once again to improve on whats been lacking in this Ramadhan and in whatever that I have gained from this Ramadhan, may it be with me till the end of my lifetime, insya-Allah.

Early in the morning, Ayah was speeding on the road to get to Masjid Al-Huda for the 830 Eid' Sunat Prayer. I was a little unhappy because I preferred Al-Iman, that was where I spent my nights doing Terawih and speaking to Allah in grievance and hoping that He will answer my prayers. Nevertheless, Ayah is my father. I have no authority or power to go against him. Al-Huda is nice too. They served us lontong for breakfast and gave us chocolates from Candy Empire as gifts. May Allah reward each and everyone of them.

And thats the first day Raya for you. I didn't take any photos on the first day, somehow we forgot totally about taking photos. But I have some on the second day.

This year I put on like minimal amount of make-up because Im so lazy to doll up myself since I'm more worried about my exams and revision which was left untouched at home. So today, I decided to stay at home and 'religiously' study since its more quiet with no one at home. Shall switch off the laptop now bid you goodbye and start revising like now. If you happen to read this and have extra food at home, please be kind and send it to me because I have no food at home and which means I have to cook maggie mee. I know I lead a sad life but I'm doing this for the sake of ibadah for Allah.
& can I please seek prayers from you for my battle in the prelims and then the As. May Allah reward you brothers and sisters.

Salaam & With Regards
Siti Nur Nabilah Binte Kamsan
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2010
Minal Aidil Wal-Faizin

The key to understand this heart

2010-09-04T08:12:00.001+08:00

With the name of Allah the most Merciful and the most Compassionate

I don't need my mum to understand why I prefer to stay this way because its the best of all and I love the way how it is like.
I am independent I love walking alone I love enjoying the breeze with no one by my side I enjoy talking to Allah in my heart all the time and I enjoy His presence in my life. I am sure I don't need anyone at the moment.
Humans like me have feelings and Islam taught me that loving Allah will also mean that we will love His creations.
Its kind of weird that my mum is getting worried for the wrong reasons. I told her the truth; things that are happening in my life and in school.
I'm not being picky. I'm not being judgmental over this issue. I'm not being fussy.
I don't want a perfect one at all. I just need the right one.
Is there such a thing as criteria? Perhaps.
But nothing beats the fact that it has to do with Allah. I don't want it to destroy the relationship that I have with Allah. I don't want to share the love. I want it to increase. I need to be constantly reminded.
I don't want to be the teacher. I don't want to guide. Selfish it may seem, but I still need guidance. From Allah or from someone whom Allah selected to be my other half in this world.
Sometimes I thought I found it. But in the middle of the course I lost it because Allah showed me that I still need to understand my emotions and search for my own lost soul.
Let me learn about Islam. Let me learn about Allah.
I'm glad that my mum is worried but I think she's worried for the wrong reason. Its okay for me to be in this state, mum. I love you and when my exam is over we'll talk about this.

Till I found one that will instantly send a message to my brain from my heart that this is the one that I've been searching for...
InsyaAllah. I'll not come up with 1001 excuses and reasons and complaints and whats not.
For Allah has created each and everyone of us with our own partners.

May I ask my brain my heart my imagination my soul and my everything to shift my focus to my one and only lover (Allah be it) and to concentrate on my studies since I'm doing this in the name of Allah, for Islam, for my family and for myself.
InsyaAllah.

Embarking on a Journey as a Muslim

2010-08-28T10:34:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum

I am amazed that I am able to blog at this moment despite the fact that I am very jaded after a long week of school; with all the work and tension building up as we approach the big As.
I would not complain today and the days that have yet to come. I've learnt that complaining is equal to not being thankful to Allah. So I should regard this as a test from Allah, and embark on a journey in which whatever that is set in front of me, I will persevere and move on, step by step, to meet the one and only our Creator.
There are so many things to talk about, things happening throughout this Ramadhan as there are so many learning points to pick up but I have to rush through this post and I've decided to share whats useful and keep whats important and significant to me. Ah yes, I am such a happy girl yesterday after school~ the process of going to terawih and going home after that! (Only Allah knows)

I am really sad and a little unhappy when one of my close non-Muslim friends came up to me and showed me this one article in an established and well-known magazine.
I had to read twice and rubbed my eyes to confirm the things that I see and read in that article.
If you have been keeping yourself updated about the plan to build a mosque at Ground Zero, yes this is it. A white man protesting against that plan and was holding up a poster that says,

"Soon shall we (Allah) cast terror into the hearts of the unbelievers."(Quran 3:151)

And I got the ayat from one of the website here:

Personally, I am not someone who is well-equipped with knowledge and full understanding of the Qur'an as I am still learning and obtaining the ilmu. The only answer that I could afford to give to this friend of mine is that;
Is it the only one verse in the Qur'an? Have you read the Qur'an? No? (shakes head) So this one verse can completely twist the whole story around and this translation can influence you to believe that we promote terrorism with the intention to kill the unbelievers.

So who is the 'unbelievers' that the ayat was referring to? In fact, the main question is, What is the whole chapter about?
& YES alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah I finally found the answer to this after 2-3 hours of reading and a whole week of thinking about it (since Monday).
Here it goes. (InsyaAllah the sites I checked upon are credible, but if you want to clarify or add on or point out any of my mistakes, please do so!)

Surah Al-Imran (Chapter 3 of the Qur'an) "Family of Imran" was revealed in Madinah (or Medina), Arab, on Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. It is named after the family of Imran; Imran, Saint Anne, Mary, Jesus. Almost all of the surahs belong to the 3rd year of Hijrah (exception of versi 61) This chapter primarily focused on the depature of prophethood from the Mosaic dispensation. There are 200 verses in this chapter.

One of the points that I learnt here is that there are 200 verses in the chapter!!! Why quote only one of it instead of looking or analyzing at the preceding verses and after that to get the full picture of what the whole chapter is trying to imply?

From a book titled, 'Al-Furqan' compiled by Muzammil Siddiqi and edited by Al-Bayyinah, it mentioned that Chapter Al-Imran is emphasizing on charity: spend good things and give to the poor and needy. It also mentioned on the prohibition of Riba. (Interest: An increase, addition, unjust return, or advantage obtained by the lender as a condition of a loan. Any risk-free or “guaranteed” rate of return on a loan or investment is riba. Riba in all its forms is prohibited in Islam. It has bad effects on individuals and society, together with rules on loan transactions.)
As a conclusion and prayer, everything in heaven and earth belongs to Allah, the prayer of the Believers. We cannot deny that this surah did discuss issues related to Bani Israel, which are related to Christian community and their religious positions.

As we keep on mentioning on the Believers, who is it specifically referring to?

True believers are those who accept everything from the Book of Allah and try to understand it. Believers always pray for Allah's guidance to them.

What was the verse before 151 talking about?
(verse 150) If you follow Allah's laws exclusively, you will be unafraid and courageous, but if you also obey anyone other than Allah, it will weaken your heart. Allah Almighty has not issued any authority for such obedience. Jahannam (hell) shall be your abode. How vile is the dwelling place of Za'limeen.

What does the verse 151 truly tells us?
Just one instance, (in the battle of Uhud), it explains how much loss you suffer collectively, when you have only the worldly gains before you. While you were destroying the enemy and gaining superiority over them, and thereby the Divine Promise was fulfilled, the victory was in sight-but exactly at that time you faltered and started quarreling among yourselves about the order. The orders of your commander were ignored. Some of you tempted to get immediate worldly gains and others whose eyes were set on the future wanted to remain steadfast. Consequently, your attention was diverted from the enemy towards the booty (and you were defeated) you own worth became visible.
However, (later on you'll realise your mistake and come back to the original position) once again you were victorious. This is the Law Of Allah! If someone falters or commits mistake, he is not deprived of the bounties for the rest of his life. Whenever he realises the mistake and comes back to the straight path, he is entitled for all the Divine Bounties.

So do you see now, how different a verse itself can make, to change the whole intention or the true meaning of the chapter?
Personally, I don't see that verse in promoting Jihad or terror against the unbelievers. It was more about the mistakes of those who went to the Battle of Uhud, back in 19 March 625 AD and the implications that was drawn upon them. I admit that the translation written by that white man in this magazine is true, yes, I've checked it, but I'm just alarmed that with that one quote, it can really poison others' thinking and impression on Islam.

I have no issues with other religions because I believe that Islam does promote the need to be on peaceful terms with those who does not believe in our religion. I am absolutely neutral with the idea of building a mosque in Ground Zero but if its going to leave a large negative impact on our world, we should reconsider it.

These few days I may have turned fundamentalist as I am now rather strict and mindful of things that I say or do, especially in this month of Ramadhan but I feel rather secure and blessed as it keeps me rooted to my beliefs. I may still commit mistakes (that is obvious) because I am not God and humans will always make mistakes but lets try to avoid it as far as we can insyaAllah.

Okay today is already the 18th day of Ramadhan so I'll include in here some verses from the surah Al-Qadr. If any of you can remember, the last ten days of the Ramadhan is the phase whereby we should be enthusiastic upon because one of the days marked Lailatul Qadr (the Night of Power).

Verse 3-5 of Surah Al-Qadr(chap 97)

The Night of Power is better than a thousand months.

Therein come down the angels and the Spirit by God's permission, on every errand:

Peace!...This until the rise of morn!

I'm sure some of you must be listening to Raya songs already, cause its now being played on local radio stations. Hehe (I'm listening to it now ~ Mum switched it on since Subuh).
Alright have a pleasant weekend and fill up the remnant of Ramadhan with good deeds, insyaAllah.

Wasalaam.

2010-08-11T19:14:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Wahhh dah 1st day of puasa today! I woke up sooo early today just to accompany my family having their pre-dawn meal and studied for a while before heading to school for GP morning lecture. ALHAMDULILLAH first day of puasa seems great except for some others (like Haiza he-he) who kept on complaining that her stomach is grumbling badly and she cannot stop thinking of herself being very hungry. Hehehe.
But I'm happy eventhough I'm not fasting, I didn't eat anything at all until I came back home when mum asked me to taste some of her dishes. Okay it was just a sip and few scoops! :P

Anyway,
I'm here to share some 'cool' and interesting information and ilmu that I read from a catalog that my brother brought home from Al-Khair.

1) Are women allowed to take pills that will delay our menstruation?
- It is allowed in Islam but only if that pills do not harm or affect our health. However, it is encouraged for women to allow it to happen naturally as what is written by Allah and not to consume the medicine to change the way of how your body works. Ask for doctor's advise.

2) I break my fast or did not fast without any valid reasons (eg menstruation for women, falling sick). What is the hukum for this?
- If you do so without any valid reason, the hukum is HARAM( not allowed in Islam)!
Rasulullah saw bersabda " Sesiapa yang berbuka satu hari pada bulan Ramadhan tanpa ada Rukhsah; keringanan- dan tidak juga sakit, dia tidak akan dapat menggantikan puasa yang ditinggalkan itu, sekalipun dia berpuasa seumur hidup."

3) I accidentally woke up late for pre-dawn meal but the DJ on the radio mentioned that the time for Imsak has past. Is my fasting still valid?
- Yes, the time for Imsak is only as a reminder that it is ALMOST Subuh (Fajr prayer) time. You can still consume food and drink, before the Azan for Subuh.

4) What is the hukum for using inhaler for asthma?
- It is NOT haram during fasting.

5) Can I donate my blood while fasting?
- Yes you can if your body and its system can cope with it. Try to avoid it if it is going to weaken your body.

6) Can we fast without praying to Allah (referring to the 5 prayers per day)?
Assolatu' Imaduddin (Solat (Praying) is the pillars of your religion). Your deed will not be counted if you fast without praying.

To all readers,

Happy Fasting! May Allah reward us dunia wal akhirat and lets set our naiwaitu right, so that we will gain the hikmah and barakhah during this special month!

Nur Srikandi Hijabbi

Bidadari Syurga

2010-08-08T12:27:00.001+08:00

Pictures during Sports Carnival ♡

Assalamualaikum

I have been so busy lately, and I'm so serious about it. I think even my mum realised that I don't even have much time to spend with her or the rest of the family members. I have sooo many things to tell her, but I guess I must put it aside and let this be between me and Allah. When the time is right, then I should tell her.
But I'm so happy because we got at least 15 mins yesterday to talk to each other. I gave her the chance to update me on some other family matters that was rather disturbing and worrying. But I supposed Allah has shown us the way and insyaAllah He'll guide this family to the right path.
For the whole of the past week, I went back home almost late since I decided to do night-study in school. Its kind of condusive and with Nurul Haiza (cahaya) around, I can concentrate more. Well, its very nice that the first time when I studied late with her, she actually proposed to send me and accompany me to pray at Al-Khair. Ahhhh and I'm such a happy lady for it. I'm sure there's a silver lining behind this, because my prayers are not only for my family, but also for all of them.
Insya-Allah, deep down, I believe one day Allah will shine through the nur of hidayah in her heart, not only to her but to every of my friends, and sisters in Islam.

Apart from her, I've seen changes in Nur Rifhan (cahaya nan kemewahan) too! Sayangku yang satu ni kan, I can see that she's been thinking a lot lately. Good girl, that was what I went through when I opened up myself to Islam. Keep the questions running through your mind. Each time I do that, I got the answers from Allah. Be it instant or not, He IS listening to you!!! Continue reading that Qu'ran, continue visiting the mosque. You'll benefit from it, InsyaAllah. Be it in the short-run or the long-run.

On the 5th of August, it was my Mum's bday! I know I know it seems macam dah totally belated kan, but she's the most beautiful ratu I've ever seen in my life. So I need to express my gratitude to her on her special day! I am sure the gift that we gave her didn't matter so much to her, but it was my wish, my hug, my kiss, my smile as her daughter that she treasures a lot. She might not know that I mention her in every of my prayer but I love her so much. Well, I know she belongs to Allah & one day all of us will leave this dunia.

Wahai pemilik nyawaku, berkatilah hidup ratu hatiku ini, panjangkanlah umurnya, berikan dia kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat, dan Kau pertemukan kami di syurga nanti.

I'm so happy and feel blessed today because on the 4th (the day before my Mum's bday) it marked one year that I put on hijab :) Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.
Maybe only I feel this way, but I've never been any stronger than before. I never thought that I will be standing as a proud Muslim today, and I feel so complete. I may be different from others and I may not be able to do anything that I used to do a lot when I wasn't in hijab. But I chose this path. For all the things that I missed out, Allah has rewarded me with many other great things. I noted that my family is moving towards the idea of khairul ummah (sebaik-baik ummah). Of course, its not perfect. There are somethings we have yet to learn, but I am sure Allah will lead us to the path. InsyaAllah. I have more and more beautiful sisters in Islam, both in school and outside.
Farahleez NorDeana (cahaya keriangan agama) would be one of them. I am so thankful because there are reasons why we only got so much closer after prolly 4 years of being schoolmate. We were indeed 'introduced' by Allah when both of us got closer and interested in Islam. Weird kan? Hahaha. But there's a reason behind every incident, every meet-up, every friendship and everything in life.

To think of it, I should not forget about this another beautiful princess in my castle. MY SISTER!!! Siti Nur Naqiah (cahaya kejernihan) She's hmm, my biological sister. He-he. She's so cute at times I feel like slapping her (lol violent eh). She's the one who can handle my tantrums and my whining and everything that is done behind closed door. She claimed that I am a replica of her, in a way or another. Obviously not physically. She's soooo pretty and I'm not like her,only that I'm taller than her. But she understands me in and out. She knows the reason why I prefer to stay single, she thinks I'm fussy and choosy but look at her! She's exactly the same. We have almost the same thoughts (thats scary right) but she's understanding and helpful in all ways. When I broke the news that I'm going to wear hijab, I can sense her uneasiness. She was shocked and taken aback by it. I understand. It just doesn't seem right for the younger sister to be wearing it ahead of the older one. But she put that feelings aside, and supported me 24/7. We shopped for hijabs together or she'll recommend me any muslimah dresses. She will also fish out great clothes from the closet and pair it with the hijab so the colour coordinates well.

Not forgetting my greatest grandmother in my life. She's so sweet and so cute. I still remember her waking me up for Subuh and preparing me breakfast (like super-duper early in the morning) because she knows I wake up early for subuh then I'll study. So she prepared breakfast for me. Plus plus the beautiful clothes and skirts and tudungs she bought for me. Can you imagine? My grandmum, about late 50s going shopping for my stuffs? Cute kan,masyaAllah. And one of the reasons why I love my one and only Qur'an its because of her and my grandfather. They bought me the Qur'an when I was in Pri 5. Until today, I have never neglected it. (oh dear, its infront of me) Hopefully they will be rewarded by Allah, each time I read the Qur'an. Ameen!!!! Because of her, I gain more confidence in putting on the hijab. She made me realized life is short and nothing comes easy in life. There are things I have to sacrifice, but that is because there are rewards waiting for us in the here-after. InsyaAllah!

Oh here goes to Nur Amalina Shalan (cahaya pembimbing) kita juga. She has been such a wonderful ukhti, from the start of my journey as a hijabbi till today. Despite our busy schedule, being in different schools and not able to meet up and talk or catch up, my prayers are with her always. InsyaAllah, He'll protect this beautiful friend of mine.

& to NUR HIDAYAH SAJALI (cahaya petunjuk Allah) whatever okay you don't deserve to be mentioned here. Hahaha to this sayanggg of mine, don't worry okay if its meant to be it will be. I appreciate and love each and every of our conversation during the serious talks of course. And I know you're one of my greatest friend because you're there for me during my ups and downs. When I was crying badly after my Prj Work Results, you stayed put. You should have been jumping shouting happily but you stood by my side, your words helped to gain confidence in myself.

Did I leave out any of my bidadari hati? Well if I do, I seek to apologize because I have so many bidadari(s) in my heart, they deserve to be mention here but the space here is limited and I don't have all day to blog!
He-he.
Allow me to mention some names.
Siti Nur Atiqah Jumad (cahaya yang mulia dan yang dipilih)
Khadijah Khasmani (sempena nama isteri Rasulullah)
Nooraisha Osman (sempena nama isteri Rasulullah)
Nurul Aisyah (sempena nama isteri Rasulullah)

Fathin Fathonah (yang mempesonakan)

Nur Atiqah Hatta (cahaya yang mulia dan yang dipilih)
To all my aunties
&&& all the beautiful women in the world!

May these cute girls grow up to be elegant princesses. (they're my small cousins!)

Apabila di hati sudah tertanam keimanan yang mantap, maka ia akan mendatangkan kebahagiaan yang akan mengalirkan kedamaian dan ketenangan ke dalam roh dan jiwa.

-Wanita Inspirasi Teladan

Wasalaam!♡

Can you spot it?

2010-07-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

Nightingale who sings so sweetly,

And evening sky, you soar through the night

Blessed with diligence and pure heart

In the moon light of the forest, you both in its warmth

Like a guardian, spreading your wings majestically, you look after those in your care.

Always tender and loving, yet strong-willed and independent. A mother one, would admire.

Home would not be what it seems, if not for this brave, little birdy who builds a nest lasting through all storms...

By JW

Can you spot it?

Someone with a kind heart passed it to me. Of course, he's not my type and will never be.

But I do wish more guys like him exist in this world, to make women feel like they're a princess in heaven.

Busy weekend, hectic schedule, many things to do and attend to!

Have a bless weekend.

♡

With the name of Allah,

2010-07-17T09:59:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we just tend to forget...
Allah is there
Allah is there
Allah is there
When you say Bismillahirahman-nir-rahim isn't its just simply to say and acknowledge him in your heart, With the name of Allah, the most Compassionate and the Merciful one.

On the way back home yesterday, I bumped into one of my ex-primary sch mate. A Chinese girl. She was my best friend back then. She was beautiful, and she is still beautiful, no doubt. I always talked to her about anything and everything under the sun; Hi-Five, Roald Dahl, Sweet Valley High (that was the 'thing' back then, similar like now how Gossip Girl is the 'thing' for the girls or High School Musical) oh what else? About our teachers, our school and she'll help me in my English while I'll help her with her Maths and Science. Racial integration and racial harmony really works in Singapore, I believe :-)
Can you imagine that? Like 10 years ago; pure, sweet and innocent.

We were separated because I decided to go to a secondary school of my father's choice, somewhere further from my place, but not that far. Like just 5 bus-stops. And she decided to go to a school close to our town. After that, we stopped contacting each other. Until yesterday...

I saw her. I know its her. Pretty as always, but chubbier. She was staring at me at first, maybe because I wasn't smiling at her. She was putting on really heavy make-up. Her hair was longer than what it was like in Pri Sch when her mum plaid those hairs in two. And sadly...

She was pushing a baby's pram. The little baby girl on the pram was sleeping, but she looked definitely like my friend. & yes, my Chinese best friend whom we used to share dreams together, share our laughters as little innocent girls, is now a Mum at 18 years old.
Standing beside her was really an irony. I am in my college uniform with heavy books in a bag carried on my shoulder and she was in her home clothes pushing a pram.
I wanted to go and hug her, something that I have always promised myself to do if one day we were to cross path. But I ignored and walked off...
Astaughfirllah.

Suddenly, the thought of being lonely, is so much better. And I couldn't stop thanking Allah all the way. I realized how fortunate I am that He has protected me from all these influences that can lead to consequences that will shame my family's name and to turn back on the obligations that I have made to myself by being a Muslim.
& because I know Allah is always there.
Always.
I don't need a person to make me feel complete. Allah's love is now all that I need.

Bless to Allah

2010-07-03T10:38:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah.
I still have 2 more papers to go, one content-based and the other is language (bahasa). Hopefully time flies faster than what I expect and insyaAllah, I've a book waiting for me. Ahhh can't wait to read, insyaAllah.

Life has been a little more blessed than what I expected. As believed, Allah will always test us, to ensure we will seek to Him and make du'a so that we will be reminded that we are just humans, imperfect nor powerful, and that to Him we return one day.

I feel so thankful & blessed this morning, eventhough its drizzling outside. Masya-Allah!!!
Alhamdullilah. Dah tenang jiwa & hati.
Thank you Allah.

Will update soon, insyaAllah.

Don't forget to have a good quality slippers and umbrella during this rainy season!

Wasalam.

A Tribute to the Best Dad on Earth

2010-06-21T07:56:00.005+08:00

Salam.

Oh yes I just finished watching Vice-Versa and its such a nice drama because they portrayed the differences between men & women; on which we are then united through marriage and how problems are severely dealt with such as cerai talak tiga, or what not. Haha I should really stop before I dwell deeper into such matter because now is not the right time and I guess I really have to concentrate on my studies and not to explore into such issues.
:)

Yesterday was Father's Day. Yup, sort of, we get to enjoy ourselves in town after so long. & we really walked all the way from Masjid Al-Falah where dad parked his car then we walked to the different shopping malls around town. Fuhhh after so long like a year or two since I really enjoyed myself in town. You see. I am not a town kid. I don't hang out in Orchard Rd basically because I just don't have the time or its just my pure laziness to travel just to hang out. Yeah I rarely hang out with friends =.=

Besides the sore due to the long-distance of walking back and forth to find my shoes (hehe) and my brother's shirt, I really enjoyed yesterday. I don't care if walking with your parents and family sounds like a loser well I think those who think that way are losers. ZOMG whats wrong with going out on a Sunday to spend time with your family?

Anyway we had a great dinner to celebrate Father's Day and Sis & I bought for him a WATCH. Awwwh I saved my money to buy him that okay? Fuhhh case tak makan kat sekolah, save duit nak belikan my dad a watch since he broke his previous watch.
Well, whatever it is, I don't think that watch really matters or if it is the most valuable thing is his life. I know that WE are the greatest gift in his life because he sacrifised so much for this family.
His time, his energy and even his hobbies just to work day and night to feed food inside our big mouths.

My dad

has the world's fattest ego
is very moody, cranky and angry when he's tired
is not so romantic = so-so je lah
is not a graduate and does not know much about school
used to be a Mat Motor
loves football and shouts 'Goal' with a thunderous voice that shook the whole HDB flat
loves switching on the radio on Saturday and Sunday mornings to the almost-maximum-level till it wakes us up :(
does not appreciate slow and romantic dramas or movies that I do
loves Asam Pedas so much, we like must have it at least once a week

But guess what? My dad is the best DAD on Earth because he

sacrifised everything just for us
is so faithful and loving to my mum (although he's not that romantic)
is always smiling and laughing whenever we sit as a family or during gatherings because he loves making jokes to the 'right' person
sent us to school and religious class and make sure we are equipped with sufficient knowledge both on duniawi and ukhrawi
he realised riding on a bike is dangerous and probably won't fit the 6 of us altogether so he switched to drive a car instead - for family
he brought us to watch live football at the stadium when his old-time favourite Sg players played once in a while to let us experience soccer live with other Sporeans. Hehe.
he introduces gerek songs like the old-time classic rock or those oldies during the 70s or 80s or 90s that are cute to listen to.
he may not appreciate dramas but he never fails to rent/buy Vcds or bring me to watch Hindi movies on the cinema when my favourite actor/actress is acting in that movie
he bring us out for dinner every Sunday (if there's no other plans apart from it) and let us choose our favourite food and pay for everything

What more can I say? I would have to stop here because if not it'll be a very long list that would not even stopped till tomorrow but whatever it is, he is the greatest Dad on Earth and I love every bits and pieces of the moments that we enjoyed together- as a father & daughter and the whole family.

We love you.

(p.s Old Photos found in my thumbdrive)

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study.
His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Noble Qur'an. Angrily, young man raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you give me a Noble Qur'an?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the Noble Qur'an.
Young man never contacted his father again for long long time. Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.
Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things. When the young man arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search his father's important papers and saw the still new Noble Qur'an, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Noble Qur'an and began to turn the pages. As he Read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Noble Qur'an. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.

Moral of the Story: How many times do we miss Allah (SWT) blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?

Jangan Pandang Ku Sebelah Mata

2010-06-17T22:26:00.002+08:00

My ever gracious salam to you.

My cute lil bro, so lonely, when my other brother went to Vietnam =.=

My one and only baby tan.♥you

My mom has always been worried about her weight. Should she be so?

Hmm its been quite some time that I'm here. Ha-ha-ha. And I've been receiving quite a pocket of comments & feedbacks by some of you based on my previous post. Some are outrageous, some are funny, some are understanding. Alhamdulillah. Although you didn't really comment it on the space provided there, I do appreciate every single one of it.

I looked so happy, and my face look so small in tudung, so weird.

Okay whatever. Actually I'm so happy to see that small cute lil shoes. ZOMG I can't wait to buy those shoes for my daughter. (Haha perhaps 15 years to come eh; oh I'll be 33 years old!)

Half of the June hols is gone and I feel like going away too. Somewhere far, where I can think and layan perasaan ni sendiri. Holiday is bad for me, especially the long breaks. TV has been the no. 1 distraction; not the laptop nor the internet. Seriously, I can survive without the laptop but not TV. This is really really really bad. I've stopped watching TV dramas/series/hindustans since a few months ago and this holiday has nicely brought me to the sofa back again and since then I've been glued right in front of the TV. Grrr I feel like smashing that TV.

But its okay alhamdulillah people around me keep on saying that I should sometimes take a break and its not wrong to watch the TV at all. Hmm, true enough. I should really stop by this week and seriously start revising. I've been studying bits and pieces, here and there, so I guess by next week I should start the hard-core way and not be too complacent based on my previous results. Insya-Allah Ameen. May Allah guide me through this another test and the other more to come.

Terlalu banyak sangat layan perasaan ni. Tengok drama Dari Mata Arisa, lagi jadi emotional. Memanglah wanita ni emotional dan sensitive sangat. Kadang-kadang sukar nak mempertahankan diri sebab wanita selalu lemas dalam arus emosi dan perasaan diri sendiri. Mungkin ni stereotaip tapi nak buat macam mana kan, orang selalu pandang wanita ni lemah, wanita tak mampu jadi ketua, wanita hanya boleh memasak dan menjaga anak.
Jadi, diri ini pun terikut-ikut. Tapi, kalau kita selalu sangat ikut perasaan, macam mana wanita nak maju kan? If we have this perception and thinking that we're weak and unable to achieve anything because of the discrimination and stereotyping around us, it will be a stumbling block for women to rise and prove otherwise.

So Nabilah hari ini nak ubah diri, nak jadi seorang wanita yang orang tak boleh pandang sebelah mata aja. Kelemahan akan menjadi kekuatan untuk melawan dan mempertahankan kebenaran. Dah penat sangatlah asyik lelaki je yang nak jadi hero, yang sakitkan hati wanita dan yang pandang rendah kat wanita :(

Ade ke patut that time I heard on the radio, this guy, a malay teacher, kutuk wanita dalam radio.
TAK PATUT!
He said "Perempuan ni bodohlah. Mane tau main bola? Mereka setakat minat kat lelaki yang bermain bola tu. Tau setakat nak sokong teriak gol je. Kalau suruh main atau tanya pasal rules of the game, mesti tak tau. Perempuan tau duduk rumah masak aje!"

Alamak. Ni yang tak syok eh, buat sakit telinga. DJ masa tu pulak tu seorang wanita. Ada ke patut dia ketawa aje. Ye lah nak kena jaga hati para pendengar yang dikasihi kan. Fuuuuhhhhhhh!
Geram grrr.

Janganlah pandang wanita sampai nak mengatakan yang kita ni kaum yang lemah dan bodoh. Memang secara fizikal dan emosi kaum adam dan kaum hawa berlainan. Tetapi hormatlah para wanita ni. Jangan sampai satu hari nanti wanita akan bangun dari kelemahan, dunia pula akan jadi tunggang-terbalik. =P

Well, whatever it is, I had a friend who was consoling me the other day. What HE said was so true, I feel like he is truly a man that can protect women without doubt and the girlfriend plus future wife will be proud to own a man like him.
"Dan itulah kekuatan seseorang wanita sebenarnya. Dapat bertahan dan tabah dalam situasi yang payah dan susah. Itu yang kita lelaki takda. Jadi bersyukurlah kan."

Ahhh those words just fell on the right time and from the right person. Empowerment :)
But alhamdulillah another one of my guy best friend wasn't angry that I declared war against men, instead, he gave me the motivation and assured me that nice and kind-hearted guys do exist! (Like him) Ha-ha.

You see, its not that I hate guys, or I want to have a war with them. I do want to get married, and I do respect men. They still exist in my life; like my dad, my brothers, my grandfather and so on.
But if there is ever a guy that makes me feel like I'm a bidadari gitu, always remember and are close to Allah, respect women and prove my hypothesis about guys are wrong, then I'll be the happiest woman on Earth. Yup, that means I found the one.
Insya-Allah, I still believe such guys exist, don't they?

Hanya Kerana Kau Lelaki

2010-06-08T17:00:00.003+08:00

Kerana dirimu lelaki

Ku tunduk rasa hormat

Kerana dirimu lelaki

Ku diam memendam kata

Terasa dihina

Diperlakukan sebegini

Terasa diperkecilkan

Hanya kerana

Dirimu lelaki

Ataupun mungkin,

kerna insan ini hanya seorang gadis

Ingin mencari kunci

Untuk meninggalkan tempat ini

Untuk mencari ketenangan diri

Untuk menghargai kasih sejati

Namun kau pandang ku rendah

Dan dirimu tinggi

Membuat wanita kelihatan lemah

Dan dirimu gagah di atas muka bumi

Kakiku ingin melangkah ke hadapan

Untuk menunjukkan ku juga insan biasa

Punya hati punya rasa

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Akan jauh pergi melayari hidup yang sepatutnya

lebih memahami daripada ini

Siti Nur Nabilah 08/06/2010
4.50pm

I feel so sad when I realized that I'm not capable of doing anything to fight for my own rights just because there's this principle that I'm a woman, and he's a man and I feel so trapped, I cannot do anything about it.

Men have never failed to hurt me (this is not only about love or what-so-ever) its about all the things that I face in life; the fact that I feel so discriminated as a woman. Don't I deserve some respect at the very least?

I'm not blind, I can see it happening right in front of my eyes, happening to me. A man talking about me to another man, as if I have no dignity, no feelings at all?

I thought you were nice enough to at least respect me as a human but you just proved me otherwise. You are just inhuman and I thank Allah that this happen right now and I don't have to face any species like you anymore. I hope our paths will not ever meet.

I pray that at least you'll find your way out of this gossiping as your past time and hanging on to this idea that you're cool, you're hot and you're smart just because you're a guy and all the girls are running after you. The fact is, you are not for Allah created us fairly and will judge us equally the same, so don't you ever think you are going to get away from this hanya sebab awak seorang lelaki.

What goes around comes around. I will stand up after this fall and wipe my tears away; because I know, Allah is there with me. He knows what is right, and what is wrong.

Still, I will ask for forgiveness if in any way I've ever made any mistakes because I'm a human and I cannot run away from making mistakes.

Wasalam.

Oh no. I think, I just officially declare war against men.

Crime against Humanitarian Mission

2010-06-01T12:43:00.000+08:00

Salam

I was hoping to post or update something interesting this morning but I was kind of shocked when I read the news this morning. I'm not sure whether I'm expecting this or not, because when I watched the news a few days ago, reporting that they're sending aid to Gaza, Palestine, I was questioning myself, are they going to arrive there safely?
Ahhh. The world, will never be free from misunderstandings, crimes, conflicts and war. I'm sure, 10 years from now, world will never change. Peace will remain as hope. There is something called human rights, but what for if those who created this term, violates it?

I don't really like passing my judgement on such an issue, because people might view me differently. I want to stay neutral as possible because I believe in humanitarian mission and helping people in need, regardless of religion. Yeah, I do agree that Palestine is a Muslim country and being a Muslim myself, my views may be one-sided. In fact, my friends once joked around that I want to go to Palestine and help the kids there when I grow older. Haha those were the days when I wrote in my entry about Gaza & Israel issue, back in 2008-9. Well, I guess things have not changed that much.

Innocent people are being tortured and killed, every single day. Little children have to grow up with their parents being taken away, forced and trained to be child-soldiers while women are rapped and some had no other choice but to prostitute themselves.
I know my 20 cent worth of thought here may not change the world, but I hope what I say in here does change your view about the world we live in today.

My religion may speak about jihad, allow men to marry 4 wives, encourage parents to scold and beat children when they don't pray, ya daa ya daa ya daa. But I believe violence is not based on one's religion. My mum once said, "We are all the same in Allah's eyes. What differs each & everyone of us is our ibadah, our good and bad doing. So in this world, there are only 2 different types of people; the good and the bad."
So what if I'm a Malay, I'm a Muslim. Judge me not because of my religion, my race, my name, my looks but my intentions, my moral, my conduct and my behavior.
Islam teach me to be good and set the criteria, the do's & the don'ts. But its back to me, myself, whether I want to accept it or not. So don't judge or blame my religion.

I may not be a good or perfect Muslim because I am still learning, still accepting. Faith and believe is enough but not enough for me to venture in this world where people are questioning and criticizing one another.

I hope that when you read this, you'll understand that I'm not a hardcore Muslim, or extremist, or I don't want you to see me as just a Muslim girl who practice her religion, but I want you to know that I strongly believe, everyone should be treated fairly, given the equal rights, and be in whatever religion you want to believe in. Give me the space and understand me as a Muslim, then I'll understand you in whatever status or state you want to be.

' We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves.'

Galileo Galilei

LONELY

2010-05-14T23:01:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Of course, I've been feeling this sense of emptiness and loneliness for so long, thinking about this over and over again which makes me a little insane and out of mind. I guess laughter is the only way for escapism. Now, I don't even notice that all I'm doing is putting up a utopia life on show. I'm very tired.

But I'm strong. I'm capable of doing this. I've been leaving fate and death at the hands of Allah and I love just the fact that behind every incident there's a silver lining. I should continue learning. I should carry on living.

Allah is fair and knowledgeable. Life would be wonderful after this, insyaAllah.

I'm happy for those I should be happy for:)

Despite this loneliness, I have handsome and cute boyfriends keeping me strong and alive, each day after long tiring hours of school and during my weekends.

I know my blog has been dead with no pictures and no life-sharing-experiences or heart-to-heart talk so here it is.

My current boyfriends: Faqruddin and Amaly.

I love their laughters and awesomely cute smiles and their hair which smells of baby shampoo and the fact that they're innocent little dolls. Ahhhh!

Thats why I ♥ beautiful children (& of course this is like the thousand times you heard me saying this)

Trust me, life will be different without them!

Well actually last last Sunday I took this picture, at Fajar Shopping Centre, outside McDonalds in which there was a large group of humans hanging out there to watch soccer that is telecast inside.

Weird, I know. But thats how kan-chiong and kiasu we are.

I guess this is all that I afford to talk about tonight. I'm so fatigued now.
Take care, love.
May Allah bless each and everyone of you.
Amin.

Only God knows best what is good for the individual supplicant and for the whole community.The muslims also know that if his doas does not seem to be anwered directly or quickly it is because things happened not according to the will of the supplicant but according to the will of God. Indeed, if everyone got what they asked for, there would be chaos and confusion in the world. Therefore, God in His wisdom and perfect knowledge of all our real needs, responds to doa in various subtle ways.

- Islam Explained

Happy Mothers Day ♥

2010-05-08T12:29:00.002+08:00

A mother's order is to be respected, even in comparison with Allah's command, on the condition that the action concerned does not fall within the imperative and obligatory injunction. An example of that is Jihad, in the way of Allah, or recommended prayers.
A man came in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, (p.b.u.h) and said " I like to perform Jihad in the cause of Allah, but my mother is not at all inclined towards my doing so."
The Prophet Muhammad, (p.b.u.h) replied, "Go back and remain with your mother. I swear by the Lord that has sent me on a true mission that to remain with one's mother for one night (serving her & doing good to her) is better than performing Jihad in the cause of Allah for a year.".
The Prophet Muhammad, (p.b.u.h) said, "If you are performing recommended prayers and your father calls for you, do not break your prayers. But if your mother calls you, do break your prayers".
The Prophet Muhammad, (p.b.u.h) said: "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

-Muslim Mothers

So, I'll like to take this opportunity to thank all mothers and grandmothers;
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. You've been so wonderful & great and I thank Allah so much for YOUR presence in my world. You are my greatest gift, my beautiful idol!

Oh yes, I do want to share with you this story too! May we all benefit from this story, insyaAllah. Amin.
♥
A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and he handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:
For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
Total owed: $14.75
Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:
For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge.
For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge.
For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years: No Charge.
For all the nights filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead: No Charge.
For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose: No Charge.
When you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge.
When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight up at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you."
And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".

♥

Because they are my family...

2010-04-10T09:17:00.001+08:00

Blessings and Peace be upon to you

Woah I totally had a hard time thinking of what to update today and usually I get little nervous with all the words and sentences jumbled in my head. I don't really like updating without having any substance to write. Oh maybe its just me, you see.
School is cool. Hahaha. 3 more weeks to SYF and I like that. Hehhh so by next month I can fully concentrate on my studies. I like that!

My father is getting better each and everyday. In fact, he quit smoking for almost 3-4 months already despite being a heavy smoker for almost 22 years. Really, bravo dad!
In addition, he really stick to strict diet. He no longer consume 'unhealthy or junk' food. Briyani out, Seafood out (except for Fish; if you categorize it under seafood in which for this case I don't), Coffee Nescafe out, Coconut milk out, eh basically all the Bad food out la. Haha.
My mom and I have officially become his nutritionist, food advisor or anything along that line. Cute right?
Oh not forgetting, he is getting more religious day by day. Alhamdulillah I salute you, dad. Honestly, he was not like that before this. He grew up with no religious background (totally zero) but when he married my mum, he changed. Before this, the only thing he can read was surah Al-Fatiha (opening chapter). But my mother coached him, guided him and alhamdulillah. Sometimes I feel like crying looking at the both of them.
Now he's getting wiser and more pious. See, how a person can guide you to the right path with the help from Allah? Allah is the only one who created the feeling, the love, the sentiments between humans.
Okay now lets pray may Allah guide my dad to be a strong man so that in the times to come, he will be our courageous imam in the family and a leader to my brothers and dedicate his life in Allah's path.

Talking about family, I want to share an inspirational story here. May all of us benefit from the lesson learnt here.

♥
A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, and took a nap under the shadow. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by, the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad.

"Come and play with me", the tree asked the boy.

"I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more," the boy replied.

"I want toys. I need money to buy them," said the boy.

"Sorry, I do not have money, but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money."

The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited.

"Come and play with me" the tree said.

"I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?"

"Sorry,I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.".
So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted.

"Come and play with me!" the tree said.

"I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?" said the man.

"Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy."

So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. "Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you", the tree said.

"No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite," the man replied.

"No more trunk for you to climb on.".

"I am too old for that now," the man said.

"I really cannot give you anything, the only thing left is my dying roots," the tree said with tears.

"I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years," the man replied.

"Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, come sit down with me and rest.".
The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.

♥

This is a story of Parents Sacrificing for their Children.
The apple tree is like our parents. When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad. When we grow up, we leave them and only come to them or approach them when we need something or when we are in trouble.

No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could just to make you happy.

You may think the boy is cruel to the apple tree, but in reality, that is how all of us treat our parents. We take them for granted; we don't appreciate all the things that they do for us, until it's too late.

Wallahi May Allah forgive us of our shortcomings and may He guide us.

My two cute little brothers. May Allah protect them always and insyaAllah they will love 'the trees' (behind them, see hehe) and not neglect them~ our beautiful parents! Oh and I love you guys.

Amin ya Rabb.

Blessed Family

2010-04-02T09:50:00.001+08:00

Its kind of weird each time I want to blog and am inspired to write something good then my mum will come knocking on my door, with her 1001 wants and questions. I am not so sure why and I am not that irritated because she's my mother but I am still wondering why eh.

I have always thought I have the most beautiful women in my heaven and it has always been till today; my mum and my sis. I know its kind of funny and bias hearing this from a sister and a member of the family but who cares, I don't think its wrong to praise them high sky and its just more sweeter to know we're appreciating them.

I am really blessed to be in this family. I had fun going out with Sis yesterday although its just BPP. We had dinner and had to run some errands but the fact that she is someone funny and I can talk to, I just love it. Every second past without us noticing. She's just like one of my gfs. Despite having different interests, different paths, different tastes, different ideas, different dreams; it doesn't stop us from being close and sharing the 1001 problems we have. We used to fight a lot. HAHA like who doesn't right?!?! Alhamdulillah. I really love having her around the house, in my room, and her chatty mouth! ( really she speaks a lot and it does irritate me at times especially when I'm studying)

Oh lets not forget about my beautiful drop-dead gorgeous Mum. Hehehe. I realized how important she is in my life. Its not like I didn't appreciate or acknowledge her presence before this but by writing this, it can be a daily reminder for me and to express my thoughts and sentiments. (Awwh!)

Sometimes we tend to forget the simplest thing on Earth; like to hug your parents, to salam them, to say that you love them or even to thank them for what they did for you. That is just because you know they are always around you and you take things for granted. Isn't it?

When I am sick, its always my mum who is around. When I want to sleep, its my mum who will remind me to wash my face and brush my teeth then she'll apply lotion and cream on my face & body (every single night without fail). When I have tests or exams, she'll be the first to wish & remind me to make do'a before I step out of the house. Its no other than my Mum who wash my clothes, iron them, cook for me, make my bed, listen to my problems and my complaints.

I FEEL SUCH A LOSER. Cos I know I'm not as super-duper as my Mum and nobody can replace her.

Mmm but then I know one day everyone will leave us because in a blink of an eye Allah can take away all the things that we have in this life because we don't own them. Allah do. That includes my family too. Life is unpredictable and I don't want to predict anything. I hope this will send a message to your mind to appreciate the people around you that you love so much and tell them that if you can! Pray and sujud syukur to Allah for creating the most wonderful and beautiful 'gift' for you and thats YOUR FAMILY!

Alhamdulillah Amin Amin Amin.

Aisyah r.a pernah berkata "Aku bertanya kepada Rasulullah s.a.w siapakah lebih besar haknya terhadap seorang wanita?" Baginda berjawab, " Suaminya."." Siapa pula yang berhak terhadap seorang lelaki?" Jawab Rasulullah s.a.w "Ibunya."

Syurga itu terletak di bawah telapak kaki ibu.

Sekiranya seorang wanita meninggal dunia dalam tempoh 40 hari selepas bersalin, maka dia akan dikira sebagai mati syahid!

Okay I am done because today is a family day and I'll be out with them to Malaysia. Yay.

♥♥♥♥♥

Have a blessed holiday and weekend.

Its over, not.

2010-03-28T10:54:00.004+08:00

Alhamdulillah. A week has past though it seems slow but I managed to pull it through and face it. Common test was well, I should say, interesting, because, hahaha, most of us can't wait for Friday. You know, the thought of whats gonna come out (the questions) every morning and every time we study is very intriguing. All this spot-on questions and topics have never killed me, not even once. Sadly, it did on Thursday. For my history paper.
I practically studied everything except for International Court of Justice. Mmm, seriously, I didn't know its gonna be tested. Unfortunately, it did.
Econs wasn't really a killer, but time management was a problem, suddenly. I started off writing at a normal speed. Thats why! I should have written it all at a full-speed from the start. Thank God I read about Healthcare in the morning. Hopefully miracles will happen.

Okay enough of Common Test.

I shall not divert and dive deeper to my personal life today because something bad occurred to me this week. Yes in the middle of my exam period. Alhamdulillah I did manage to put all this 'unnecessary' things aside and concentrate fully on revision. Nevertheless, at some point of time, I do think and reflect, a lot.
It's when you are beginning to trust the whole world and suddenly they started crumbling onto you with a blink of an eye. Its like when you think life is so sweet, so interesting and one by one problems started coming and your shoulders just can't bear to carry it. This isn't up to my maximum level as yet, so I am so syukur about it.
But I feel bad for shutting off my life from my very important people after my papers. I need the time to cool myself down and reflect.
Life isn't a bed of roses.
Allah has given us the opportunity to live so make full use of it. Face problems with guidance and faith in Allah because all of it comes from Him and by testing you, you will be much more stronger than yesterday. Believe me. In fact, a beautiful friend :) of mine always remind me that Allah will not test you unless He knows you're capable of facing and overcoming it. Its along that line. I'll try to search or ask her again. Hehe.

Alhamdulillah. I think Allah has really answered my prayers. Not only I can think wisely now, but it taught me to be more confident and mature to face obstacles in future. Amin. Amin. Amin.

I think I need to apologize to my favourite girl Siti Nur Atiqah bte Jumad for ignoring you and the cold shoulders etc etc. I know you're the best and an understanding one thats why I love you.

End of common test = I have 3 books waiting and 6 scenes for drama to memorize. Mmm, I guess my life is all about memorization now :(

I need to go now since my mum is calling.
Have a blessed upcoming week insya-Allah.

Sorry I didn't manage to find a good substance to blog today but I think this is necessary with regards to what I just faced and overcomed.
SubhanAllah.

It’s just a matter of time and being patient for

" For He has decreed that the truth shall prevail, and the falsehood shall vanish, in spite of the evildoers."

[Qur'an 8:8].

A beautiful Friday morning

2010-03-19T08:52:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum

MasyaAllah I think its sucha beautiful Friday morning today.

Was a little disappointed just now when I tried to download the Econs slides. It was a futile attempt to open it using other program cause my sister just re-boot this laptop and sadly, she has not downloaded Microsoft office yet.

Yesterday I went to visit the doctor and they referred me to National Skin Centre. Nurse scolded me for forgetting to collect the letter from the doctor. And the appointment was supposed to be today but I cancelled it because I have many unfinished business with school work and revision. Perhaps the next available slot will be on May. Hopefully things will work out. Pray for my recovery.

Speaking of the devil, they just called. Yeah appointment on 20th May.
Its not as if I contracted skin disease or some weird skin mutation (haha a weird term to use).
Well for vanity sake, that's the cost that I have to pay :(
Indeed, Allah is the one who determines everything.

Alright, alright.
I need to bath and study now. Will update soon, InsyaAllah.
Have a blessed Friday and a good weekend. Ameen.

I almost cried watching this video. By sharing this, I hope it'll benefit all of us, insyaAllah.

My Quran, My Islam, My Allah

2010-03-13T09:16:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum

This week is really frenzied, really. I know you would have expected it but I'm really saying the truth. My life revolves around the same thing, everyday. Perhaps for the next 7-8 months and then hopefully things will be over by then. InsyaAllah, Ameen.

GP P2 was a killer although it was only Common Test. I just wanted to drop and die after walking out of the exam hall but maybe that'll be too dramatic. Still, Alhamdulillah, one paper down. So now its time to focus entirely on my other subjects. I would have preferred to do my H1 paper before the holidays so at least I get to concentrate on my 3 H2 during the 1 week break but I'm just a student. All I can afford to do is to follow the rules and accept it the way it is planned and constructed. Very sad, yes I know.

This week I didn't do much research or findings for todays entry. I was busy revising so that I can ask questions during tutorials or consultations, and in fact, studying for GP.

Okay exams and school aside (gosh I can't believe I just want to rant more and more about school but I know that'll make this post really boring).

I'm not sure if you read Berita Minggu last Sunday.

Come, lets side-track for a while. Dyn Norahim got married to a girl with the same name as his. How cute! They are both Sodiqin!!! Can you like imagine that? Hehehe. I didn't know Dyn Norahim graduated from Al-Azhar University. I always listen to his Firman & Sabda program every morning at 6.05. Though he is only a deejay and feeding in bits of info here & there (obviously, he isn't the Ustaz giving the ceramah), I'm kinda amazed at who he really is. Really, a deejay who loves rock music and is so hyper and funny, woah, rupanya graduate from Al-Azhar with honors! MasyaAllah, masyaAllah.

Anyway, thats not my point. What I was really shocked about reading the newspaper on Sunday was about this guy, Mr Wilders, a politician, who expressed his views on Islam.
Living in a small, safe and harmonious country, has kept me in the dark about the real world for a long time. Now, I realise that this world, afterall, is not really a nice place to live in. To my horror, Islam was deemed as a religion of violence and dangerous!

Wilders perangi Islam di London pula

Isu: Kenapa ahli politik beria-ia tayang filem 'Fitna' di parlimen UK?

LONDON: Anggota parlimen Belanda yang anti-Islam, Encik Geert Wilders, kini membawa serangannya terhadap Al-Quran ke Dewan Pertuanan (House of Lords) Britain, mencetuskan perdebatan sengit dalam bangunan dewan itu dan bantahan penuh kemarahan di luarnya.

Undangan ke parlimen tersebut dan meluasnya pengaruh politik Encik Wilders di Belanda minggu ini, menonjolkan satu dikotomi di Eropah: kebimbangan terhadap bertambahnya jumlah penduduk Islam yang menolak nilai-nilai liberal, menentang tradisi liberal yang mengalu-alukan mereka yang tidak bernasib baik; dan menerima dasar pelbagai budaya.

Encik Wilders menayangkan filemnya, 'Fitna', sepanjang 15 minit, kepada 60 penonton semalam, termasuk setengah dozen rakan sejawatannya di sebuah bilik di bangunan parlimen Britain itu.

Filem itu mengaitkan Al- Quran dengan pengganasan, fahaman menentang homoseksual dan penindasan ke atas kaum wanita.

Di luar bangunan tersebut, kira-kira 200 pembantah mencemuh kedatangan beliau sambil melaungkan slogan: 'Samseng Fasis keluar dari jalan raya kita!'

Polis bergelut dengan beberapa pembantah yang menghalang sebatang jalan raya untuk mengelakkan sekumpulan aktivis penyokong Encik Wilders dari Liga Pertahanan Inggeris daripada menuju ke bangunan parlimen.

Anggota parlimen berambut perang itu kemudian mengadakan satu sidang media dengan para wartawan Britain, yang beliau penuhi dengan tukilan- tukilan daripada Thomas Jefferson, George Orwell dan merujuk kepada Pindaan Pertama Perlembagaan Amerika Syarikat.

'Saya percaya Islam adalah agama ganas dan bahaya - tetapi saya tidak mempunyai apa-apa terhadap para penganut Islam,' kata Encik Wilders kepada wartawan.

Bagaimanapun, Encik Wilders berkata beliau mahu satu pengharaman meluas di seluruh Eropah terhadap para pendatang Islam kerana 'saya percaya mereka membawa ideologi fasis.

Lawatan itu, dan kontroversi yang menyusulinya, membantu menambahkan lagi penampilan Encik Wilders, sedang beliau memimpin satu kempen pilihan raya kebangsaan di Belanda, dengan populariti yang semakin meningkat.

Laporan-laporan tinjauan pendapat meramalkan bahawa Parti Kebebasan yang dipimpin beliau akan menjadi antara dua parti terbesar dalam parlimen Belanda akan datang.

Parti beliau meraih pencapaian baik dalam pilihan raya tempatan minggu ini, memenangi satu kerusi di sebuah bandar dan berada di tempat kedua dalam sebuah lagi bandar.

Namun, parti Encik Wilders yang baru berusia empat tahun itu belum menjadi satu organisasi kebangsaan, dan enggan memperkenalkan calon dalam pemilihan pemimpin hampir 400 lagi majlis perbandaran.

Encik Wilders berkata beliau mungkin juga menjadi perdana menteri selepas pilihan raya 9 Jun ini.

Ini walaupun para pengamat politik Belanda berkata beliau tidak mungkin dapat satu kuasa majoriti jika partinya muncul sebagai yang terbesar.

Ahli politik berusia 46 tahun itu berkata, jika beliau berkuasa, beliau akan menghasilkan satu pindaan yang serupa dengan Pindaan Pertama Amerika itu, dan menutup semua sekolah Islam, mengharamkan pembinaan masjid dan mengharamkan Al-Quran, yang disifatkan beliau sebagai lebih berbahaya berbanding manifesto Hitler, 'Mein Kampf'.

Kata-kata keterlaluan itu membuat hosnya - Britain - kurang selesa. -- Berita Minggu 7 Mac

Charged for anti-Muslim acts

Mr Wilders is standing trial after a court ordered he face charges in a decision that overruled the public prosecutor, who had argued Wilders was protected by the right to free speech. -- PHOTO: AP

AMSTERDAM - RIGHT-WING Dutch MP Geert Wilders appeared in an Amsterdam court today charged with inciting hatred and discrimination against Muslims in a case seen as a test of free speech in the traditionally tolerant Netherlands.
Mr Wilders, leader of the Freedom Party PVV, is standing trial after a court ordered in January he face charges in a decision that overruled the public prosecutor, who had argued Wilders was protected by the right to free speech.
The MP is charged over his 2008 film Fitna which accused the Koran of inciting violence as it mixed images of terrorist attacks with quotations from the Islamic holy book. He is also charged over his outspoken comments in the media, such as comparing Islam to fascism and the Koran to Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf.
'I remain combative and still convinced that this political process will only lead to an acquittal,' Mr Wilders said on his website. A fierce opponent of Islam in European culture, Mr Wilders has proven popular in recent years with Dutch voters concerned about immigration and its impact on Dutch society.
Mr Wilders' Freedom Party emerged last year as the Netherlands' second-largest party in the European Parliament and recent polls have indicated the party stands a chance to become the largest in the Dutch Parliament in national elections due in May 2011.
Charged also with offending a group of people, the start of the case against Mr Wilders today aims initially to deal with procedural issues, such as how many witnesses each side will call before handling the case proper at a later date. -- AFP (Straits Times Jan 20, 2010)

It kinds of disgust me a lot that humans today have such low maturity and callow perception despite being highly educated. Does the education stifled your ability to do critical thinking and judge things sensibly? The perceptions made are definitely not supported w basic evidence. How can you compare Quran to the Mein Kampf? Zomg. I shall not harp on this issue any longer, because God Almighty did not create people to fight; rather He created them to serve, love and benefit one another. This indeed tells me to be patient and control my emotion and anger. There's nothing much I can do here. As a Muslim, I'll forgive him. Although I'm hurt to know that Islam is being tormented in such a way, I believe there's a reason behind this. May Allah strengthen my faith and I'll pray that one day perhaps this man will realize his mistakes.
I can't deny that man do commit mistakes.

Oh people, serve God,
you have no God but Him,
He brought you forth from the earth
and made you dwell in it.
So ask forgiveness of Him,
then turn to Him.
Surely Allah is Near and Responsive (Quran11:61)

What is Life?

2010-03-06T11:25:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Finally I am now able to blog after researching and also collating the India Trip report (which was supposed to be done eons ago!). Oh perhaps not a terrible day to start with after all. My body feels so much lighter and better this week. I don't really think I am as tired now as I was last week. Maybe because next week will be going through of the tests paper we sat for last week and this week. Oh confusing much, eh?

Result for MT was alhamdulillah. I was super afraid of re-sitting for it, since H2 students cannot score anything else except for an A. Alhamdulillah majority of my classmates did well too!
I was super duper amazingly happy for this sweet senior of mine, (Amalina) who scored perfect As for everything and she's the top Arts and Malay student. She tapped on my shoulder and gave me the encouragement, yknow, perhaps she should be the person that can be my motivation so that I will work harder and study well for my As this year.
Having the seniors back in school after a long time, adding on with the men in NS uniform and the ladies in make-up and dresses, awwwwh, I realised how fast time flies and they look like sooooo not a youth or a teenage anymore. Hehe well I presume the uniform really makes a lot of difference. Hehe!

Enough of all the gugu gaga over the A's. Mine is like 8 more months to go so InsyaAllah InsyaAllah.

There's a particular question that has been in my mind for the past few days. It was first posed by Mr Ng when Hidayah and I logged in to the forum page.

What is the meaning of life?

Weirdly, Mr Ng said that life is actually to reproduce. All of us have different dreams, different interests, different ways and different paths yet the main task is for the continuity of our own species (haha berbual as if I'm a science student eh, mcm faham =.=). Like, you wouldn't want humans to extinct right? Yeah, I don't want that to happen. So in this case, it does makes sense.

However, we all have different definition of life. Whether it is meaningful or not, it is up to individuals themselves. I don't blame a person for taking their lives away, nor do I curse at them for being stupid because they killed themselves with a lost of hope and believing in themselves. But I guess now I realize perhaps they don't find life meaningful to them, so, there's no reason to live, and its not wrong to die.
Wallahualam.

But personally, life to me is love. Haha sounds like so girlish, lovey-dovey or what-so-eva but I'm serious!!! The meaning of life to me is actually to love. You are given the opportunity to live so that you can love Allah. You are breathing every second, to love your family. Your heart is beating, beat by beat, so that you can love a special one. You love this, you love that. If love doesn't exist at all, why the need to live? It may sound a little cliche' and I don't expect you to understand from this little thought of mine but why don't you spare a thought for this question?

God Almighty did not create people to fight; rather He created them to serve, love and benefit one another.

I guess, life after all is not that easy. However, if you already set your goals right and know what is best for yourself, I assume, life can be a breeze and pretty enjoying. Of course, non of us will be spared from having problems or complications but with Allah's help & guidance, insya-Allah, hopefully things will turn out to be desirable.

I've set aside things that I want to do in life. Its a whole long of list. Hehe hopefully insyaAllah as you stay reading my blog, you'll see the colourful and the vibrant of love in my life. InsyaAllah.
Subhanallah, Allahuakhbar, Alhamdulillah.

I asked for Strength,
but Allah gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom,
but Allah gave me problems to solve.
I asked for Courage,
but Allah gave me obstacles to overcome.
I asked for Love,
but Allah gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors,
but Allah gave me opportunities.
"Maybe I received nothing I wanted,
but I received everything I needed!"

Messy Desk, Messy Face, Messy Life

2010-02-27T11:49:00.004+08:00

Assalamualaikum readers

Masya-Allah today is already Saturday, hope time will not cheat on me today. I have to attend a Graduation Ceremony today at 3pm since I graduated from Madrasah Al-Khair last year. Mixed feelings though, a sense of satisfaction since I spent my whole of 10 years in obtaining knowledge (alhamdulillah), be it useful in life or for the Here-after, insya-Allah. Sadly, I will not get to meet my madrasah friends as often anymore, Suriyani & Sri Wirda. They're the sweetest bunch of people. May Allah bless this ukhuwah always, ameen.

School has definitely been crazy and hectic. There are many things to complete and many tests that requires memorization. Alhamdulillah I managed to pass that through with perseverance and having faith in Allah and the strength He has given me. In fact, with the celebration of Maulidur Rasul which falls on the 12 of Rabiulawal, I had to rush from school to home and then went to Al-Iman Mosque with my parents. Alhamdulillah I just love it to see all brothers & sisters in Islam unite as one, as we celebrate together the birthday of our beloved Prophet (s.a.w). It is similar to the times when you assemble all of your family members together to celebrate one of your family members' birthday. Its just pleasant to be in such situation, isn't it?

I would like to clarify a thing here because I received an email in the morning from ShareIslam.com,explaining on the 'forward email' that we usually receive or in other simpler term, the technology. Being in this era with many machines and tools, it undeniably improves our lives way better than before. However it actually can be a double-edged sword.
Before this, I mentioned many things about Islam, articles and also hadiths from the internet and books (that I read). I cannot say that it is 100% true, reliable and accurate but I was careful enough to pick it from trustable sites. In addition, I will usually include the link at the bottom of the excerpts or information. Thus, I do place some trust in it.
I think, we individuals ourselves play an important role, in trying to sieve the right information for our own benefit, insya-Allah.
I do believe the knowledge that we acquire from school and religious lesson is enough for us to distinguish right from wrong.
Wallahualam.

Of course, life has been pretty messy lately because I think I have a messy face now, a messy desk and without doubt, a messy schedule. Hehe. But prioritizing is important to ensure that important things are done first and leave the less important ones for later. As such, I decided to clear my table in the morning so I can study in a better condition and environment. In fact, I love cleanliness. It is the basic of a Muslim life to be in a state of cleanliness and purity. I re-organized my schedule, omitting the time to watch hindi movies as I replace it with the Graduation Ceremony. As for my messy face, I think all I have to do is to discard this messy and awful looking face by putting on a simple yet sincere smile! It cures a lot of thing y'know :)

And so, I've been so busy cleaning and tidying up my room since morning, I can hear my stomach grumbling now. Awwhhhh! Hahaha breakfast is ready on the table, so I better run now, before my brother gobble it all.
Hehe.
Will update soon, insyaAllah.

On the track

2010-02-21T07:21:00.001+08:00

Salam.

Oh my I'm super tired and very busy these days I don't think I have any substance to blog about today. Friday was very hectic with 3.2km road run and then tuition till 930pm.
And now I have 3 tests to sit for; one of it will be Econs and its Macro Essay Test. I'm scared, zomg =.=
Go, Nabilah! Go!
So let me revise now since I'll be going to Al-Khair later.
InsyaAllah
May Allah provide me with the strength and perseverance.
Amin.

I totally miss eating at Walimahtul-urus (hehe) and its fun and touching to see how two different people vow to love each other and care for each other and to spend the remaining life time together. Aww, masyaAllah.

Valentines Day=Everyday

2010-02-14T08:08:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Sorry for not updating yesterday. I was still fatigued, I'm not sure why. So I only did a few research and readings yesterday.
Alhamdulillah, I finally found something to talk about today! I was reading newspaper via online when I came across this funny article.

Heres the link:- No Valentine's: Saudi religious police see red, Yahoo

It kind of surprised me because I never knew that there's such a government who will ban the celebration of Valentine's Day.

As a Muslim, I was taught by my parents & my religious teachers that we are not allowed to celebrate Valentine's Day. Everytime Valentine's Day is around the corner, they will tell me this over & over again.

So again this year, since Valentine's Day is today, I have something to share with you from what I remember and the things I read during researching.

That is somehow a brief history of how Valentine's Day came about and I find that kinda interesting. But as far as Islam is concerned, I believe we should not celebrate it and avoid it at all cost.

As said by Dr Su'ad Ibrahim Salih, professor of Islamic Jurisprudence(Fiqh) at Al-Azhar University;

There are other forms of expressing love that are religiously accepted,while others are not. Among the forms of love religiously acceptable are those that include the love for Allah, Prophets and Messengers. It stands to reason that the love for Allah, and his Messenger Muhammad s.a.w should have the top priority over all other forms of love.

Islam does recognize happy occasions that bring people closer to one another, and add spice to their lives. However, Islam goes against blindly imitating the West regarding a special occasion such as Valentine's Day, which is an innovation or bid'ah that has no religious backing. Islam requires all Muslims to love one another all over the whole year, and reducing it to a single day is totally rejected.

-IslamOnline.net

I strongly agree with this professor. Why should we express our love and be extra romantic on only one day out of the 365days every year? Why is it necessary for girls to receive red rose on this day?
Its not that I'm against this day, I don't mind my friends celebrating it, just that personally, I thought it has no value.
Sadly, I've seen many young Muslim couples today celebrating this day. Holding on to the roses, balloons or the presents, I'm glad that they actually feel appreciated by their partners but the fact that they think its a 'good' and 'big' deal to celebrate Valentine's day with their partners, I'm speechless.
It calls to keeping one's heart busy with nonsense matters which contradict the guidance of the righteous predecessors.
We should avoid anything associated with pagan immoral practices and do not need to honour or celebrate the death of a Christian saint!

Personally, I'm just wondering, whats so significant about Valentine's day to us Muslims? Christians may celebrate it because its part of their celebration to honour the death of St Valentine and obviously its significant to them but why should Muslims follow this footstep and celebrate it too?

Every year, Valentine's day to me is just like any other normal day. I wake up and thank Allah for giving me another chance, another day to live but it never struck my mind to wish people (except for the Friendship day thingy). I do receive gifts, like chocolates, from friends as a form of friendship and I really appreciate that.
I received a red rose before too(its fake and that guy sprayed perfume on that artificial red rose). Initially I thought it was cute to receive it with a note signed anonymously. It was 3 years back and I thought it was a funny incident cause when I went back home and place it on my table, the next thing I found out after I showered was that my Omma threw it away.
Buat menyemak je.
Thats what my Omma said!
HAHA!

Things would have been different if I have accepted that guy. He was nice but I guess he's just not the right one. In fact, I think I'm too young to be in a relationship and I cannot enjoy the little things that I do w my friends, family or even myself. Freedom will be reduced and I just don't really like it. I'm not willing to commit. Of course, at certain point of time, I feel lonely. Like you need someone to share your grieves and difficulties with.
But I don't really need to be in a relationship, right? I rather make it a point that I like a person, and just wait for the right time. You know, like you're still single but deep down inside you know you really like that guy and you have reserved your heart for him :)
Isn't thats so much sweeter? Aww.

Its so difficult for me to really like a guy. Of course I do have crushes on certain guys but I think its not that simple for me to easily like a guy. So if I like a certain guy, it'll take quite a while to forget, especially if I really really like him.
Zomg is this a confession?
Oh malunya.

I think its best to leave everything to Allah because He knows what is best for all of us. Haha of course, I do have a set of expectations in choosing the right guy but I guess none of us are perfect and Allah has created someone for me, so let me just wait and see. Sabar eh, Nabilah baru je 18 years old.
I've spent almost all of the 18 years with my family and have never settled in a proper relationship, so there's never been a first love for me yet.
So if ever I were to be in a relationship in the future, Valentines Day is everyday except for a day. We'll celebrate Valentines day for 364 days and on the real Valentines day, this is what I would like to do.
It'll be a day that we share what we dislike or hate in each other. All the negative sides of ourselves will be exposed and we then promise to change for the betterment for the next 364 days until the next Valentines day. Hehe.

" If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgement. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden."

- Excerpted with slight modifications, from IslamCity.com